Archive for the ‘love’ Category

your things, Part Two

April 25, 2026

Today I opened the large trash bags

from the Upson County Sheriff Dept.

that held your belongings from the day you died.

I touched the parachute straps that held your body,

stained by Georgia red clay and dust,

and, I think, your own blood.

It’s hard to tell because it’s been 10 months,

so red turns to brown and tan,

mixes with dirt ground into the strap,

but the stains are there,

from where you landed, after your freefall

onto the “teeny tiny drop zone” at Skydive Atlanta.

Gently, I touched them, and felt close to you,

your heart beating under those straps,

your joy at flying at 12,000 feet,

joining other divers, doing flips,

your happiness when in the clouds,

seeing the curve of the Earth;

and I cussed out the little white parachute reserve,

so small it looked like a wedding veil,

that didn’t bother to open for you,

that failed you on that day,

and I pulled out your bright blue, perfect helmet,

that wasn’t cracked, didn’t have a flaw,

and I held it to myself, and cried.

Pictures of your dogs flew with you

their faces on the side,

a nine-pointed star decoration,

and a sign that said, ‘TRYING MY BEST!”

I am a person who wants to know it all,

wants to see and touch your things,

kneel at your gravesite,

call out to God in prayer!

feel it all deeply inside, within,

in order to then …………let go,

Fly, fly, my oldest child!

Fly through all the worlds of God,

Walk and talk with ‘Abdu’l-Baha,

fly throughout the universe,

We will do things in your name,

Hold your memory to our hearts,

Paint because you wanted me to,

Do things for you, for you, for you.

๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’™

cfblack, 4-25-26

The U.S. Steel Tower

March 11, 2026

I watched a drone video of Pittsburgh

sent by my daughter-in-law,

It shows a city set in the mountains,

No matter where you go in Pittsburgh,

you’re going to walk either UP, OR, DOWN,

There is no in between.

And then I saw it, the “U.S. Steel Tower”,

“841 feet tall”,

“Pittsburgh’s tallest skyscaper,”

— and I thought, “That’s how far you fell.”

I am one who wants to KNOW,

I want to KNOW what happened,

If I ever have cancer, I want to KNOW,

If I am dying, don’t hide it from me,

I think from the time my father died,

if I think it through, and know the worst,

then anything else is up from there.

I have tried to FIND a building

as high as you were,

when you pulled your reserve,

how long did you have in freefall?

did you even have time to know?

These are the things I think about,

but, the most important message IS,

I know you fell into the arms of God,

I know you never suffered,

I know your spirit is close,

and this is where my thoughts should be.

Your message to me, after your passing,

was always, “Mom, be happy for me!

Be happy, I am HAPPY, I am where I should be!

Make others happy — Be happy for me.”

cfblack, 3-11-26

as time goes on

March 8, 2026

As time goes on, it gets harder, not easier.

Easier than that first day, when

shockwaves went through the family,

Harder for minutes, hours, days,

weeks, now months without you

at family gatherings, holidays,

conversations on Star Trek shows,

movies you’d love, but will never see,

birthdays, anniversaries,

without your cards, your thoughtful gifts,

you always sent, on time.

I forget birthdays all the time,

have no idea what to send,

My gifts come late — but not ones from you,

I don’t know how you did it.

You told me once, you had a dream,

You saw Him as the brightest Light,

“My dear one, this is not for you,”

he said to you, of marriage.

You told me once, “I don’t think

I’ll ever be — a Grandma.”

I said, “Of course you will!

It could happen now,

or next year — anytime!”

You looked at me, knowingly,

turned away, walked silently,

We walked some more, you told me

how you memorized prayers.

“Think of a place that you know,

take a walk around it,

drop lines of a prayer here, there,

in your memory.”

In the hospital in 2020,

you floated in and out of pain,

in and out of reality,

in and out of worlds.

You asked us all to help you say

your obligatory prayer,

you spoke of seeing light fragments,

hearts and stars of paradise

all lit up with ribbon and light,

— in God’s eternity.

It seems you lived your life here

in the fullest possible way,

you learned acceptance, patience, love,

you lived your life to the best,

We miss you more as time goes on,

please forgive my tears,

pray for us as we pray for you

and continue through these years.

cfblack, 3-8-26

For my daughter

February 27, 2026

It is when I listen

to soulful music,

or open my heart in prayer,

I feel you,

I see you,

and know you are there,

your penetrating gaze,

your honesty,

your deeply blue eyes,

your thoughtful gifts,

your refusal to criticize any soul,

when they had 9 bad qualities,

you’d find the one good,

your love of your boys,

watchful care of your dogs,

your love of Tolkien

and the color blue,

your fierce independence,

your ability

to turn difficulty into opportunity,

your great big loud and joyful laugh,

your love of movies, and of the SKY,

My heart breaks again and again,

and I so miss you, till this life ends,

There’s a veil between us,

and though it is thin,

it keeps us apart

until we join again,

so I thank God for you,

on this rainy day,

and ask you not to go far away,

I go forward in your honor,

do things in your name,

I miss you, my loved one,

till I see you again.

Love,

your mom

cfblack, 2-28-26

(our last time with her, her 48th birthday, 2 weeks before she passed)

Aging

February 21, 2026

We all grow older, every day,

our bodies tell us in every way,

We are spirits, having a human time,

which one day comes to an end.

We are old enough to know many souls

who have stepped beyond the veil,

Father, Mother, Brother, Daughter,

Grandparents, many friends,

We all traverse this journey,

we all walk this winding path,

we all come to terms with aging,

and it goes by very fast!

Best we can do is prolong our stay,

Eat healthy, take walks, keep sickness away,

Take vitamins, pills, see doctors, rest,

but also care for that spirit, because,

in the end, IT IS what’s left.

Love your neighbor, visit friends,

Take time to pause, meditate,

Get rid of stuff that you don’t need,

Plant flowers, take time to breathe,

Talk with those who left you here,

You will see them again, they are very near,

They pray for us as we pray for them,

Those worlds are “closer than our life vein”,

Work for peace, paint, dance!

Spread LOVE EVERYWHERE, as best you can.

cfblack, 2-21-26

Life does not promise you peace

January 24, 2026

This picture. Inspired this poem.

Life does not promise to bring you peace,

it is not what you expect, or prepare for,

You do not control your Destiny,

You only control your own reaction

to all that is hurled at you.

Even the planets were created

by bits and pieces of rock, in space,

bombarding into each other,

until the masses they created

pulled together by gravity,

pulled them toward the center

and created a sphere,

When life throws rocks at you,

you can react

with anger, fear, sadness,

or Love,

a love so powerful that nothing tears it down,

and you remain centered,

calm

secure

at peace.

“Where there is hatred, sow love,

where there is injury, pardon,

where despair, sow hope,

where there is sadness, joy,”1

“When they poison your lives,

sweeten their souls,

Become ye a center of attraction,

Think ye at all times of rendering some service

to every member of the human race,

Be ye sincerely

KIND.” 2

1 prayer of St. Francis of Assissi

2 quote from the Baha’i writings

Fly, my daughter

November 23, 2025

Fly, my spirit daughter,

fly to the heights of heaven,

Fly throughout God’s universe,

Converse with other souls of light,

Use your powers to help us here,

We are the feeble ones.

There are things we do not understand,

Worlds we cannot see,

You now fly with the ancestors,

Blessed be, blessed be.

cfblack, 11-23-25

Cheese and crackers

October 26, 2025

My Dutch grandma served cheese and crackers,

chocolate candy with vanilla creme,

green and white mints, melted in your mouth,

windmill cookies, and 7-up.

She lived through the Great depression,

sat at her foot pedal sewing machine,

revised used clothes from someone else

to fit her own children,

went to church on Sunday,

and always had a smile.

Told us of times Grandpa couldn’t find work

and “had to go work for the WPA”,

They built sidewalks and did other jobs

after the first world war,

She loved hosting friends and family,

the adults talked for what seemed like hours,

until she winked and said with a smile,

“Let’s have a little lunch.”

Children then ran into the kitchen,

were treated like Kings and Queens,

climbed up on chairs awaiting them,

felt the love in their family,

watched her pour the magic bubbly,

ate cheese and crackers, and candy.

This is where we heard stories,

learned some family history,

but what I most remember

is my Grandma’s cheery laughter,

always happily hosting,

sharing what they had.

cfblack, 10-26-25

green grasshopper

October 20, 2025

Yesterday, on the windshield of your car,

our car, the one we inherited from you,

a tiny grasshopper appeared,

light green baby, sitting there,

as I drove to the store.

This has become our sign,

a symbol of life between us.

I would see them in your yard,

after you passed,

not something we see every day anymore,

like I used to see them as a kid.

A sign of life, a symbol, and I like to think,

from you.

It is you saying, “Care for the earth,

all signs of life, everywhere.

Each life is precious, even grasshoppers,

care for all the living things.”

A friend of mine wrote a poem for you,

‘I see you galavanting through galaxies,

a grasshopper clinging … to your hand…

She dwells with the stars, tethered to God,

with an emerald green grasshopper

strapped by her side.’

I whisper to you in the car,

“I love you, I miss you.”

I see you too, green grasshopper,

all life is connected,

ours, with tiny living things,

and other worlds beyond.

cfblack, 10-20-25

a little prayer

September 7, 2025

Thank you, Lord, for this day,
Keep my negative thoughts at bay,
when heart is heavy for missing her,
help me to know You walk with her,
when my eyes well up with tears,
help me to know, her spirit is near,
Love is eternal, Love is real,
Love is really all there is.
cfblack, 9-7-25