As time goes on, it gets harder, not easier.
Easier in ways such as first knowledge
sent shockwaves throughout the family,
Harder for minutes, hours, days,
weeks, now months without you
at family gatherings, holidays,
conversations on Star Trek shows,
movies you would have loved, but will never see,
birthdays, anniversaries,
without your cards, your thoughtful gifts,
you always sent, on time.
I forget birthdays all the time,
have no idea what to send,
My gifts come late — but not ones from you,
I don’t know how you did it.
You told me once, you had a dream,
You saw Him as the brightest Light,
“My dear one, this is not for you,”
he said to you, of marriage.
You told me once, “I don’t think
I’ll ever be — a Grandma.”
I said, “Of course you will!
It could happen now,
or next year — anytime!”
You looked at me, knowingly,
turned away, walked silently,
We walked some more, you told me
how you memorized prayers.
“Think of a place that you know,
take a walk around the place,
drop each line of a prayer here, there,
in your memory.”
In the hospital in 2020,
you floated in and out of pain,
in and out of reality,
in and out of worlds.
You asked us all to help you say
your obligatory prayer,
you spoke of seeing light fragments,
hearts and stars of paradise
all lit up with ribbon and light,
It’s where you wanted to be.
It seems you lived your life here
in the fullest possible way,
you learned acceptance, patience, love,
you lived your life to the best,
We miss you more as time goes on,
please forgive my tears,
pray for us as we pray for you
and continue through these years.
cfblack, 3-8-26
Doctor Grandma 