Today is a too sad day.
If I could,
I would go back in time,
a million times,
over and over again,
to pick you up the night before,
to prevent this summer from happening.
It might have happened
another time,
in another place,
with some other one,
but it would not have happened
the way it did,
it would not have happened
to us.
Hummingbird comes and flutters,
to a background of locusts singing,
stops for a moment in front of me,
then flies to other worlds,
— There is no feeder for you here,
how did you know to come?
Two rainbows in a matter of days,
appear with all their colors,
Then driving home, a shooting star,
stroke of light across the night,
a paintbrush in the sky,
Some choose to ignore these special gifts,
and take no notice of them,
I choose to see them as a sign,
the Universe has given.
Most of my passwords
Involve your name,
Grandchild of mine,
One we have loved
since the very day you were born,
Why is life so difficult?
How can we help you to grow?
How can we help you live in peace,
Discover who you are?
My heart is burdened
With love for you,
My heart is breaking in two,
I try to work,
but thoughts of you
block my concentration,
Do all that you can to get through this,
Do all that you can right now,
Your family surrounds you
And goes with you,
We are always wherever you are.
Cfblack, 07-19-2015
We love,
And love some more,
Until the heart could burst asunder,
We hurt,
And hurt some more,
Until the heart is bleeding from it,
We pray,
And call to God,
Though there seems to be no answer,
We believe,
And believe more,
Because we must arise from ashes,
Then a butterfly,
Fans her wings,
On the second-story window,
And an angel
Speaks so lightly,
That the sun will come tomorrow,
In each life
There is a brightness,
And it guides us to the dawning,
In each soul
There is a thread
That unites us and will lead us
On our way.
cfblack 07-13-2015
What force on earth
could possibly have brought you here?
How could it end like this?
Were you not just out with a buddy or two,
Walking through the neighborhood?
What could have happened?
What words were said
To end your life in this violent way?
You were just 14,
Your life beginning,
You weren’t even finished with puberty,
What could cause someone in their early youth
To react with the blast of a gun?
We are not animals!
We are human beings,
We have a rational mind and soul,
Where was the heart
Of the one who did this?
What was the pointless goal?
Your mother’s heart is grief stricken tonight,
No mother will heal from this,
And for what??
what was it
that brought this about?
Why a life taken
So very young?
Did you know you were hit?
Did you lie there in shock?
Did your friends run away and desert you?
There are no words to say
As I sit here, and think
How your body lay there
Just outside my door,
Across the street that I see every day,
Near the place where I bring in the car,
Nothing is ever for certain,
Every day is a gift sent from heaven,
and for you, my young friend,
there is no earthly treasure
worth the loss of your young life amongst us.
— cfblack, 07-04-2015
Sit down,
Don’t move around,
Find your inner quiet.
The house will wait,
the dishes will wait,
Calm yourself,
and listen.
Hear the cicadas in the trees,
their sizzle that builds to a crescendo,
They make the sound of a rainmaker
in a musician’s hands,
Feel the air circulate,
hear the sounds,
Avoid the sun,
but know it is there.
Drink lots of water,
Replenish what is lost,
Experience the heat
of 100 degrees,
Soon, the machine will run again,
its cool air will blow from out the vent,
Windows will close you off to the world,
You will no longer be part of this universe.
cfblack 06-21-15, written as our air conditioner broke down in 102-degree South Carolina summer heat.
Hot summer nights
The insects call
Happy their time has come,
We cannot speak the language,
a million staccato chirpings
run together in a high-pitched scream,
They call to one another,
The choir sings,
The sun is down
The backyard alive,
I sit and listen,
Window open,
Letting humidity envelop my room,
This is their time,
They call, they crawl,
Till morning comes again.
Who are you?
Why don’t you tell me?
Where were you born?
Who is your father?
Who was your first wife?
She is probably the mother
of my great-grandfather,
so I need to know.
The woman you are married to
in 1850,
when great-grandpa is 8,
is not the one.
I know that women
had babies early then,
but at age 14
it is not likely.
So who is the mother
of my great-grandfather?
Was she Indian or African?
I cannot find a clue.
I am a lost child
searching in the darkness,
searching for answers,
searching for clues.
I find your grave marker,
but no clues of your father,
You come from Ohio,
at least you say so.
Your second wife Mary
comes from PA,
How did you meet?
She is 16 yrs younger than you.
Your grave marker stands
6 feet tall,
a testament to the status
you must have held,
so there must be a record
that tells me more,
Direct me there,
for I need to know,
I tire of the journey
to find traces of you,
and yet we are one,
you are my ancestor,
your DNA runs
all through my bones,
so help me to find you
and solve the mystery
of where we came from,
how far back do we go?
From where did we come from
to land in America,
who was the ancestor
who first landed here,
Did he come from Scotland?
or from Ireland’s shores,
it is one or the other,
as the story goes.
cfblack 06-06-2015
I have never been obese. It’s just been a steady gain since I hit my 40s. Now that I’ve begin my 60s, I’ve finally made a turnaround — toward health.
It’s not mostly about weight, really, it’s about health. So this is a good beginning. I am eating lighter, focus on healthy salads, have sworn OFF fast food drive-ins! I drink more water, have meat and veggies at night, eat nuts fruit and yogurt when I am hungry for a snack, and have started to exercise.
Now that I’m 61, I find that I cannot walk. My knees have failed me. In my 40s, I started running regularly. Got up to my goal of running 2 miles without stopping, and quit. Now, 20 years later, especially my left knee can just go *out* at any point, without doing anything strenuous. This has happened twice. The first time, doctors didn’t believe I hadn’t fallen or done anything strenuous. I said, no, I was just walking. So, what do you do when you can’t walk??
I’ve started stretching, leg lifts, AND yoga. I can hardly do anything right now. But that is also not important. The important thing is to DO, regularly, consistently, religiously. So that’s what I am doing, and I actually work up a sweat.
Three yrs ago I had a complete hysterectomy. It was very freeing, best thing I ever did. Doctor’s office called a few weeks ago and said a few years back, I had an irregular pap test and could I schedule another one? I asked, “Do you think I’m going to get ovarian cancer?” It was pretty funny.
However, now, 3 years later, I feel that my insides have shifted, on their own, towards the front, and I have lost my waistline. This is very disconcerting, and a new thing, hence the exercise to work on my abs, and we shall see.
I am also going to start walking, again, very gently, and see if my knee pops out again. If it does, then I know, I really can no longer walk. In any case, it’s not going to be fast walking. I will be happy if I can walk a mile, slowly.
This is a beginning chronicle of my journey with weight, just so I can check back in and see how it went. I won’t post weight here, but will post any weight loss. So far, nothing. 🙂
I want to tell you
I want to tell you that you are loved,
I want to tell you to love yourself,
Whatever happened was not your fault,
But the fault of life itself.
Things happen.
You make plans,
Life gets in the way.
This does not mean
That you stop caring,
Or trusting, or connecting,
Or giving, or loving.
But you cannot love
In this condition,
Because your anger fills the room,
And you are afraid to really connect,
Again.
You did that once,
You gave it all,
Never looking in the rear view mirror,
Take a second look,
There are many lives
That are better for your being there,
But you cannot see through all the pain,
— the moat around your castle,
You are loved, right now,
In this very moment,
And there is one
To whom you are the world.
Your healing begins
When you see yourself
As your friends see you tonight,
A person of worth,
A person of caring,
A person loved in his own right,
One whose humor lightens their day,
One whose hands take THEIR pain away,
A bit at a time,
As much as you are able,
Because that is what you are trained to do,
It is you
Who are valued,
As a person, a friend,
As a nurse at a bedside,
And a daddy for life,
Make a turn
toward healing yourself,
Be a friend to yourself this night.
— cfblack 05-18-2015
Doctor Grandma 