Doctor Grandma

Subtitle: Joined by the Grace of Great Things.

This is comments on Chapter IV of the book, “The courage to teach,” by Parker J. Palmer. I give credit to the author. This chapter turns away from the inner self of the teacher, and turns toward the community that happens in a classroom.

(my own thoughts) It’s an interesting thing about groups of students in a classroom. Each class develops its own quirks and habits, its own community. There develops a bond among that group, for that hour+ that we are together. It develops over the semester, and then it dissipates, never to return. But each class is different. Each community unique. And it is not just a synopsis of those individuals in it — it takes on its own persona. It is very interesting. Some are congenial, some are always lively, some tend to erupt with emotion, some are not in tune and quiet. The same instructor in all. Some of it may have to do with time of day. Early morning classes tend to be awake. Late afternoon classes are much more difficult to maintain. Everyone just wants to end their class time and be done for the day. 4:00 or 5:00 classes are unbearable. The teacher does her best to be lively at the beginning, but has difficulty maintaining enthusiasm.

Over time, as an instructor, you also develop an uncanny ability to talk and discuss for an hour and sense when it is time to end. I can be engaged for 60 minutes and know when I have 10 minutes left without looking at my watch. It’s a 6th sense. Even so, I often put 2 students in charge of telling me when it is a certain time. Gives them some station in the classroom, something to keep them aware of time.

This chapter mentions various models of community in a classroom, from therapeutic to civic to marketing. Under civic model, Parker makes the observation, “Truth is not determined by democratic means.” Many may disagree with that, but there is truth in it. If you take a vote amongst 100 people and 85 agree the world is flat, that does not bring truth to a classroom. The world is round. We are an amazing blue ball in outer space with a thin band of atmosphere that keeps us all alive. So truth must be based on science. Votes are good to tell us how the class feels, but they do not necessarily bring truth.

The Marketing model is the one alive today! Schools are businesses, run by the profit margin. Students are to be packaged into neat little executives, successful in showing all they’ve learned at the end of 4 years and making connections to land them a great new JOB. Students and parents are consumers of a product. Ideal teaching, to me, allows students to explore reality, to know how to find information and make their own assessments. I like to send students out to do surveys or interviews and compare their answers to research articles. If we can find the time to share what they’ve learned with one another, then that may come close to a community of learning.

This chapter suggests that physicists have found sub-atomic particles that behave as if there is communication between them. Their behaviors affect each other, which is absolutely amazing, as if “there is a holistic underlying ORDER whose information unfolds into the… order of particular fields and particles.”

“Astronomers have found exploding stars that are the original seedbeds of the atoms that make up your body and mine.” — Wow, what a sense of “community” and order in the universe.

So truth is relational. We have to be open to truths shown in science while at the same time be open to learning from each other. Keep an open mind throughout the process. While testing reality with science, it is not possible to stand back apart from it all and be completely “objective”. Objectivity is an impossible task. We are all parts of stars! We are all, basically, affected by what we already know and that is all a part of our scientific experiments as well. We just have to remain open to the universe, to what we learn from others that may completely change how we see our reality.

The trick is to be aware of ourselves as part of something greater than ourselves, to remain in awe of the universe, to be able to consult on what part of the “elephant” we are feeling, which is our own version of reality. To be in “the grace of Great Things”. No one has all the answers. My job as instructor is not to dish out truth for them to memorize. My job is to share the knowledge of my discipline so far, and to send them out to explore a bit more on their own. (Sounds very idealistic but in practice, it means you don’t just stand there and lecture from old notes.)

Emile Durkheim said there are two types of things in the universe: Sacred and Profane. The sacred are those things that inspire AWE or FEAR, either one. They are something greater than ourselves, that sense of the spiritual or something beyond what we can see, touch, feel, hear with our bodies. Some sort of existential power. Profane objects are everyday objects with no sense of awe or fear. This chapter is about sensing community with others, understanding that we are all part of something greater than ourselves.

The exercise proposed is to write brief descriptions of two recent moments in teaching: a moment when things were going so well that you knew you were born to teach; and a moment when things were going so poorly that you wished you had never been born.” ha ha

My first response is, I don’t believe I was “born to teach”. Maybe, but highly unlikely. I believe we were ALL meant to be certain places at certain times. Meant to meet certain people and affect their lives. It may be an effect that you don’t expect. It may be a negative experience or a positive. You may be in between two OTHER people, both of whom you know, but they are supposed to meet each other– through you. That has happened 3x for me. I introduced 3 couples who later got married, and the marriages lasted. However, most of what I am talking about is not that, it’s just helping one another along, in life.

I also really have never wished I had not been born. Life is okay, unpredictable, and one thing I’ve learned by this time: Whatever comes, you can handle it! If you have a faith or spiritual base, that helps. It helps to put your trust in God, to call on spiritual forces, or give your problem to something GREATER than yourself — give it to the Universe, ask God to take it, whatever works for you. Whatever comes, you can handle it, and we never know what’s around the next corner.

The first one, for me, I would say are times when students tell me how much they appreciate me. One time a group of sorority sisters gave me an award, for being “the best a woman can be”. I do not belong to a sorority. But I can’t tell you what that meant to me. Sometimes students write notes, of their own accord, just to me personally. I have some glued into a book I kept for teaching. These mean the world to me. Another GOOD time is when students who had already taken a class with me, voluntarily came back and sat in the class again– in a different semester– just to be there. I would always look at them and say, “James, what are you doing here?” to which they would say something like, “Dr. Black, you always got somethin’ goin’ on! I just wanted to be here.” And I always let them stay. They would usually visit a couple times, and then stop.

The worst time, the one where “things were going so poorly”, I know my worst memory of all. The time I was called to the Dean’s office and he handed me some horrible letter written by a group of select students who had decided I was the worst teacher at the school. They never complained to me, never voiced these things to me, and their major professor encouraged them to write THIS letter rather than direct them first to me, so perhaps some of these untruths would not have been written, so perhaps we could clear up whatever misunderstandings they had from my classroom that they THOUGHT they had figured out, but they didn’t. It’s really too bad, for them, and for me.

I met a woman years later. She didn’t know me, but she listened to the story. Her first question:

“Did they think they were special?”

I had to reply, YES, they were a somewhat select group of advanced students in a different major from my own.

“Did you treat them special?”

Honestly, I did not. And therein was the problem. I treat all students equally in my classroom. I’ve heard some of the worst reports ever given in a college classroom, without a doubt. And when that student finished his report, we thanked him and we all clapped. The same as anyone else. It is no other student’s business to know that that student actually failed that presentation. I didn’t treat the advanced group “special”. This woman’s insight amazed me. But her insight was not the response that came from the Academic Dean.

But it’s okay. Whatever comes, we can always get through it. God is my witness and my judge. I give it to the universe. So I have now completed the exercise in Chapter 3. Now you think of your best, and your worst, moments in your OWN career and see what you put onto the page.

Reading “The courage to teach”, Chapter 2 is on fear. The actual title is, “A Culture of Fear: Education and the disconnected life.”

At this point, I don’t think I am very fearful. But it’s true, fear is connected to education for student and professor/teacher/instructor. There is always fear. For the student, it’s fear of failing, or for many today, fear of not getting an A. I remember when I got my first (and ONLY) “B” in Graduate school. My major professor said, “It’s about time!” Well you know, a C in graduate school means you take the class over again. It means you didn’t pass.

As we go on in academia, everyone develops their own “teaching philosophy”. When you apply for a teaching job, they always want you to talk or write about your teaching philosophy. With experience, we shift and change our beliefs on that whole process.

I see nothing wrong with tests, nor with the dreaded “comprehensive final exam”. Well, did you learn anything? What did you learn that you will take with you, that you retain to the end and beyond? That’s what a comprehensive final is about. But it also measures, how many names, theories and concepts can you memorize the night before the final? I know that. I still think it’s a good exercise. Is it connected to fear? Yes, but it also measures preparation, discipline, and hopefully, putting some of those concepts into practical application. That’s where my tests are difficult. It’s not “match this word with the correct definition,” it’s more “Study this example and explain which theory it illustrates and why you think so.” It’s all in the “why you think so”. Can you put your thoughts on paper? Can you recognize this theory in action? I have students who can’t understand the concept of “institutional discrimination”. Women couldn’t vote in Federal elections in the U.S. until 1920. From 1776 to 1920, by Federal law, women couldn’t vote. Is that not institutional? Part of the institution of government, law, the structure of our society? (Of course, Black women were beaten and worse for trying to register to vote in the early 1960s. That’s institutional as well because we all let it go on. Until it got so horrible and on TV sets in people’ living rooms and the cart went over the top of the hill and down the other side toward change. Lyndon B. Johnson didn’t WANT to sign the Voting Rights Act of 1965 and Civil Rights Act of 1964, any more than Woodrow Wilson wanted to give women the vote in 1920, but it was time.)

The Cherokee WON their case in the Georgia Supreme Court to not be sent westward to Oklahoma on the Trail of Tears. Pres. Andrew Jackson didn’t care and enforced it with Federal troops and one-fourth of them died en route. Is that not institutional?

My teaching philosophy doesn’t mind testing students. However, there are many ways to LEARN. The important thing is to think and learn SOMETHING. So I give many other ways to earn points, including various assignments, online discussions, experiments, movie reviews, and SOME extra credit– not for one person who begs during the last week of class, but for every student in the class, at regular intervals throughout the semester. We also do some things for fun, like games, role plays, and now on zoom, “breakout room activities”. I must admit, though, I have not mastered these talents in online classes.

But back to fear. Yes, fear is real in Instructors. Fear of being fired for saying “too much” or too little. Fear of not getting tenure, the worst bag of trash policy ever invented. Fear of not getting published, of not being accepted into a new institution, fear of bad reviews by students, or fear of failure in the classroom. Fear of asking those questions and being met with silence, fear of being boring, fear of not being able to “entertain”. Ugh. We are not entertainers.

I have pretty much come to terms with my own inadequacies and flaws as well as my skills. I care deeply and am willing to work with anyone on their grade. That’s the best I can do. I am firm on honesty and integrity. Cheating gets you a 0. Copying someone else’s work: 0. Other than that, you have enough opportunity to earn points various ways.

I will say this. As a graduate student, you have fear. Fear of course of not getting your PhD. Fear of your committee rejecting your work. It ALL has the effect of KEEPING YOU QUIET. Before grad school, my husband and I would have people over all the time, different types of people, different status and race and culture. After grad school, it would not be appropriate for a student to have their professor over, as a friend, on the same level. It is just not done. And the bias goes on from there. Perpetuation of status and the hierarchy. As a professor, there is status according to what you teach. The sciences get more money (more grants for the school), more status in society. The Liberal Arts, not so much. Who publishes more? and in which journals? It makes a difference. In salary. I am more of the calibre of a Georg Simmel, publishing in popular journals and not academic, and the most liked of all the professors. (I am not the most-liked but I do ok.)

So in short, we have to come to terms with our fears, and our realities, then decide how we are going to live with them, see which fears we care to change, and do something constructive in this world, in our own small way. God-willing.

I am reading a book called “The courage to teach: Exploring the inner landscape of a teacher’s life”. 20th anniversary ed. The concept is interesting and unique: it’s not about your teaching method, using all the right ways to reach “students today”. It is about exploring your own identity & inner workings of your heart & spirit as a teacher, so that you connect better with your own inner self and then, perhaps, your students. I find the concept refreshing,

Chapter 1, the Heart of a teacher, Identity and integrity in teaching.

Some thoughts: Who were my mentors?

For sure, my main mentor was my dad. Even though he didn’t live long enough for me to really know him as a teacher, as his child, I could see the effects. I could *feel* his love for teaching. We could see his love for his graduate students, who he would invite over to our house for dinner, one at a time. So our house was often filled with African and Indian students who came, smiled at us, were welcomed and treated as a fine guest in our home. As I have now been through graduate school, I realize how absolutely rare this is.

Secondly, he worked all weekend and most nights. On Saturdays he would be at the large dining room table, his papers all over it, working. But he worked in the midst of a family of 4 kids running around him, interrupting him to tell him something that happened or to ask a question. He never minded this. I don’t remember him ever being really angry. When he would get upset, he would walk out of the room.

Three, he was a seeker of truth. He questioned himself. He wondered about God but left it to the universe to show him He was real. He was a scientist at heart, loved studying rocks and fossils, taking vacations many times out West to look for them. They are all now lost “to the universe” as many things got lost over the years of moving. There was a rock collection which is now distributed amongst some of my kids, and some friends.

I never understood the Engineering world he lived in, but he was recognized in Who’s Who of Engineering more than once. He always put family first, or that’s how he made us feel. The most important thing in the world was just spending time with him, and he gave us that.

MENTORS. Another one of my favorite teachers was Miss Burkitt in 5th grade, the year my family lived in Michigan. What was great about that year & her teaching? She was very creative as a teacher, very forward-thinking, not afraid to try new things.
She had us correspond with kids in Scotland, or the Isle of Skye. We had pen pals. We also, for some reason, corresponded with men who worked on a ship, & it was an exciting day when we received letters back.

She let me work ahead in a math book, and I covered most of it in half a year. She made me feel smart. And one time, when I misbehaved, got mad at another student and threw a block at him (when we were stuck inside for recess due to weather), she did not play favorites and marched me to the Principal’s office. This year was also the year Pres. Kennedy was shot, and I remember that day. She came into the classroom and told us he had been shot. Then she came back, told us he had died, was crying, and we all went home. 5th grade for me.

MENTORS. I really don’t remember any outstanding mentors during junior high and high school. I just did my work, quietly, as a student. I liked learning, and I knew how to excel on tests.

Mentors in College. First of all, I finished college at the age of 42, my Bachelors. Then I just kept going, got my Masters and then PhD by age 55. It was all very difficult and challenging. That’s a story for another day.

MENTORS in upper-level classes include Dr. Anthony Lemelle, who opened my mind to so many things I had never studied before, including Ronald Takaki, African American history, Gay/Lesbian issues and the daily humiliation they experience, the lives of Black men in America, scholars of Critical theory (including Critical race theory), Cultural theory and non-Western thought such as Edward Said.

Women professors introduced me to Intersectionality, Feminist thought and theory, and Black feminist thought, Drs. Patricia Boling, Sandra Barnes, Rachel Einwohner, Siobhan Summerville.

Others taught me more about Critical and Marxist thought, Dr. Kevin Anderson, Dr. Leonard Harris.

My major professor, Dr. Jack Spencer taught me about micro-theory, Erving Goffman, Grounded theory (which is actually a method), how to look at everyday life and see insights into larger social issues. The rest of the people on my committee I never related to well. They were there to assist, but their own bickering with each other nearly killed me and my studies.

Through it all, Graduate school is pretty much hell. It took me away from my family, it consumed my life. I made it. Looking back, what I learned was worth it. The rest of it, even the jobs afterward, I don’t think were really worth it. The only way it was all worth it was that hardship, the torment of self-doubt, being ridiculed, having to study as if your life literally depended upon it, all the HELL that it brings, teaches you something about yourself, how far you are willing to and ABLE to go, in order to get through something. It teaches you your own strength. And gives you a compassion and understanding of what others are going through, which they may not show or talk about outwardly.

My subsequent career has taught me that you never know what’s coming around the next corner. It taught me you can do your BEST, do a great job, and people will judge you wrongly. Because of rumors, accusations that are not true, or just because they want to, and they can.

Secondly, as I kept going it taught me that I have the ability to land on my feet, to always step to the next stage in life and do well. It taught me that God truly is with me, is with us all. We are only responsible for what we can, ourselves, control. We cannot sometimes control how others will judge us, and that is their responsibility, their mistake, and if you will, their loss. I also learned that I have limits. And if administrations never hear you, after many tries, they never will. It is your choice to stay or go. You are never forced into anything. Take responsibility and make a choice for your life.

At this point, I am at a new stage of trying to give what I can the best I can, to students I now have. So I am off on tangents but thinking through what all I have learned through this journey to and through Academia. Who were my mentors took me into this discussion. And that is only Chapter 1.