Doctor Grandma

As time goes on, it gets harder, not easier.

Easier than that first day, when

shockwaves went through the family,

Harder for minutes, hours, days,

weeks, now months without you

at family gatherings, holidays,

conversations on Star Trek shows,

movies you’d love, but will never see,

birthdays, anniversaries,

without your cards, your thoughtful gifts,

you always sent, on time.

I forget birthdays all the time,

have no idea what to send,

My gifts come late — but not ones from you,

I don’t know how you did it.

You told me once, you had a dream,

You saw Him as the brightest Light,

“My dear one, this is not for you,”

he said to you, of marriage.

You told me once, “I don’t think

I’ll ever be — a Grandma.”

I said, “Of course you will!

It could happen now,

or next year — anytime!”

You looked at me, knowingly,

turned away, walked silently,

We walked some more, you told me

how you memorized prayers.

“Think of a place that you know,

take a walk around it,

drop lines of a prayer here, there,

in your memory.”

In the hospital in 2020,

you floated in and out of pain,

in and out of reality,

in and out of worlds.

You asked us all to help you say

your obligatory prayer,

you spoke of seeing light fragments,

hearts and stars of paradise

all lit up with ribbon and light,

— in God’s eternity.

It seems you lived your life here

in the fullest possible way,

you learned acceptance, patience, love,

you lived your life to the best,

We miss you more as time goes on,

please forgive my tears,

pray for us as we pray for you

and continue through these years.

cfblack, 3-8-26