Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

what my kids will say about me when I’m gone

November 8, 2023

(I was inspired to write this poem after hearing a similar one tonight.)

She didn’t want to sky dive,

She burned cookies,

She was a good mom,

She had a good heart,

She believed in prayer and prayed for us,

She always tried to tell me what to do.

She had 1000 pictures on her phone!

She saved pennies in a jar!

She was always getting rid of stuff,

When we left home, she sold our stuff!

She loved being a grandma

and being with us,

She loved the Blues,

She loved all of us,

She loved to dance,

She loved South Carolina,

She loved Charleston

and walking the beach,

She struggled with depression

and ADHD,

She loved Purdue sports,

She loved time alone.

She wanted to do better,

She couldn’t tell a joke,

She worked her tail off

to pay off debt,

She could have been better at making friends,

at being humble,

or making amends,

She never taught us how to cook,

She taught us all to love a book,

She struggled with how to use her time,

She loved lemon more than lime,

She wanted to find her ancestors,

She could really get on my nerves,

She stayed with us as long as she could,

but then flew on to other worlds!

Family history: Bybee family

August 25, 2023

Carrie Bybee married James Agnew of New Albany Indiana, my GGrandfather. They were parents of my grandfather John Wesley Agnew who worked for Monon Railroad. Anyway, going the other way, for a long time I never had anything showing up for the Bybees. It is now open all the way back to a 9th Great-grandfather, William Bibby who was born in 1598 in Stalmine, Lancashire, England (and died in Virginia in 1637. Lancashire England is way up in the NW part of England, going towards Scotland. The Bybees go from VA to KY eventually, & then to southern Indiana.

William Bibby

Edmund Bybee

John A. Bybee

John Buford Bybee

Allen Bybee Sr.

Allen Bybee Jr.

William R. Bybee

— his daughter, Carrie, my great-grandmother who married John Wesley Agnew, my dad’s dad.

Family

February 1, 2023

My thoughts are on family,

On challenges,

tests and trials,

Job interviews,

Baby’s first steps,

Star Trek nights,

Doctor Who?

what is next.

Watching old movies

Over again,

Dinners together

Hanging out,

Taking dogs for a walk in the yard,

Doing dishes

Laughing hard,

Making time to be together,

Saying prayers for one another,

Looking back at decades gone,

Looking forward, life goes on,

The older and the new

Rainy days and the moon,

Precious time is never lost,

the gains are worth whatever cost.

cfblack 1-31-2023

at age 67…

August 19, 2020

Today is my birthday.

This is not a poem.
On my birthday at age 67, I will say,
I don’t feel 67,
but I don’t feel 27 either.
I have lived in Indiana, Michigan, Pennsylvania,
and South Carolina. Of those, 3 are BIG TEN states, so,
I will always be a BOILERMAKER!
but I love South Carolina.
I love the ruralness, the big tall pines, the lushness of green and draping moss, the warmth, the sunshine, the beach, the waterfalls, and the fragrance of the south. There is a sweetness always in the air, a fragrance from the ever-present flowers and year-round blooms.
I have lived in 4 states,
20 different houses or apartments (and actually more if you count living in different apts. in the same building),
had 4 kids,
now 7 grandkids,
pets I wont’ even count but none right now,
I’ve been a Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Baha’i,
held various jobs including hat check girl at a skating rink,
waitress, CVS clerk, Library clerk for 15 years,
stay-at-home mom for 11 years,
got my Bachelors at age 44, Masters at 47 and PhD at age 55,
now have a title, Assoc. Professor of sociology and criminal justice, which means nothing in the long run and it doesn’t necessarily make you SMART. That comes with a critical mind and wisdom.
Dyed my hair brown, red, and blonde, now a natural white.
Started out privileged, at one point became poor, now somewhere in between,
Lived through Civil Rights era, murder of Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Kennedy again, Hippie movement, Student protests against Vietnam, Feminist movement, We are the 99% and Black Lives Matter movement still continuing, Covid-19 to date.
It is discouraging to me we are not farther along, that we still resist the simple truth there is one human race we are all a part of,
that women still suffer from lack of education, lack of advancement, that we still wreck the earth with our disrespect of nature, that we now have a plastic island in the middle of the ocean, that people still go hungry every day…
I have lost my grandparents, mother, father, a brother, uncles, aunt, cousin, brother-in-law, mother-and-father-in-law. As long as my brain and body continue, I will continue to work to leave this place a little bit better for my being here, for the Glory of God and the love of life. That is my hope.
      cfblack 08-19-2020

an overnight at grandma’s

January 15, 2020

I have many memories of staying overnight in my Dutch grandparents’ house & going to the Dutch Reformed church w/ them Sunday morning. Occasionally they would take either my sister or me, one at a time, for an “overnight”. This will be revised, but it captures it:

Sleeping in bed with my Dutch Grandma,

I lay awake, hearing her breathe,

Grandpa in his bed, one room away,

did they dream of each other at night?

Feeling special, the only one,

got up to the morning sun,

Grandpa’s coffee on the stove,

it perked in a silver pot,

a clear glass piece was on the top,

so we could watch it perk,

A saucer was his coffee cup,

he lifted it to his lips.

I went to church with the two of them,

sat in the middle and didn’t move,

We spoke in whispers in this church,

while the organ played,

I reached for the fan with Jesus’ face

smiling back at me,

it was hot and sticky

in this place,

There was no central air.

I sat in my slip, and pretty dress,

white gloves upon my hands,

Grandma’s immigrant face looked down at me,

a smile and a wink were on her face,

and afterwards, proudly showed me off

to all her women friends.

         cfblack, 01-15-2020

 

 

 

to my oldest daughter

September 19, 2019

I gave birth to you

gave you life,

but God gave you your soul.

You used to cry

whenever I left

or was even out of your sight,

Now you are doing things,

moving to places

I’ve never dreamed

or even thought of.

Feel free to fly

my Jasmine bird,

feel free to become

your own true self,

But know that now,

it is me missing you,

and my love is always

within your heart.

cfblack, 9-19-19

foods I grew up on

July 10, 2019

My mom was a stay-at-home mom. Her job every day of her married life, it seems, was to clean the house, do laundry, feed us lunch when we came home from school for lunch (no school lunch program in the 60s), plan and make dinners. She cooked with a lot of beef: hamburger, steaks, roasts and stews, also ham on Sundays, turkey on holidays. Every birthday we could choose what we wanted for dinner and I always said “Steak and creamy corn”. I was such a weird kid. Anyway, these are random foods I remember my mom serving:

hamburger casserole

sausage casserole

salmon burgers

homemade mac & cheese —  lots of cheese

cowboy eggs (scrambled eggs with real bacon mixed in)

white rice with cinnamon and sugar on it

mashed potatoes and gravy, the gravy served in a little pitcher-like dish we called “the gravy boat”

“TV dinners”! (Frozen dinners cooked in the oven)

no microwaves or crockpots in those days either!

Doing the dishes after dinner, washing, DRYING them with a towel, and putting them away, was part of the routine every night. (no dishwashers!)

 

All of this was just the era we lived in, but makes it hard to cook healthy today, with all the awareness about red meat and the need for fresher foods.

Life of a woman

March 15, 2019

I think of writing about my 11 years as a stay-at-home-mom, the poorest years of our lives, and we had 4 kids. Some people were mad at us for having 4 kids. Said we couldn’t afford it. I hung clothes out on the line, washed cloth diapers, had a kitchen with wooden floors…… and still I refused to “go to work”. These were my babies. Besides, how would working be possible with 4 children? It was not possible. The structure of our society says we can pay for childcare. It says who are we to want assistance? We should figure it out. I played with my kids, had lovely days where time stood still, I made baby food, baked our own crackers. My husband worked sometimes 2 jobs. Once I determined to return to work, I went back part-time, then 30 hours, then finally 40 hrs/week. I had anxiety to be out in public alone, no child in tow. I imagine everyone was staring at me. Eventually, I went back to school, got 3 degrees including the top of the line PhD and became a professor. When I quit my full-time job I had for 15 years in order to finish the PhD, I had just come over the top of earning $21,000 a year. Yes. That’s right, that’s what women do, right? “Support” the family income. I worked to maintain health insurance for all. Fast forward to today, I earn 3X that much and have had a career for a good 11 years now. Life is an amazing journey. I fully remember getting my first car in my own name. It was a Dodge Neon, white. I was over 50 yrs. old. I loved that car. And if I could go back to any one time of my life?? I would give anything to go back to a day with my little ones, in the house with a wooden plank kitchen floor. But each age is different. Yesterday I spent over an hour on the phone with the IRS. Evidently because I had the AUDACITY to list MY NAME FIRST on our tax return, they couldn’t figure out where our money went. We’ve been married for 40+ years. We are one entity. But because I put my name FIRST… they couldn’t find us. I am 65 years old. How dare I put my name first on our joint, married, tax return. This is the end of my story! I’m about to end the Baha’i fast for the day!

hospitality of the Dutch

January 30, 2019

I want to say a word about hospitality.

When I was a girl, going to my Dutch grandparents’ house was where I learned hospitality. We were immediate family, but oftentimes when my siblings and I were there, other people would stop in. They were usually part of the Dutch community, oftentimes family of my grandparents. My grandpa George was the oldest of 11. His siblings looked up to him, also because he was a very kind man, and would visit often.

There was a routine to these visits. First, sitting in their livingroom talking. After a good visit of about an hour, my grandma would then predictably say, “Let’s have a little lunch!” We would all then go into the kitchen, where I could count on a glass of 7-Up, cheese and crackers, and Dutch windmill cookies. Additionally, there were always chocolates with white cream filling, M&Ms, and Nonpareils (see photos).

The Dutch knew hospitality. I don’t think I taught my children well enough of this kindness to visitors. They would never have thought to be annoyed when someone stopped over to visit. No texting, no twittering, no Messenger-ing, but in-person visit time. My grandpa would make his coffee on a gas stove and watch it boil, then pour some into a cup. From the cup, he would pour a little into his saucer under the cup, and drink it from the saucer. I guess it cooled the boiling hot coffee.

Many happy hours were spent around their kitchen table, where they would tell stories to one another, and I was welcomed into the group, though a child. I learned much about family and how to treat a visitor.

1-30-2019

Our kids don’t know poverty

October 7, 2018

Our kids don’t know poverty.

Not like we did.

When we had our babies,

I stayed home with them.

Besides, by the time we had 3, or 4,

my working was not cost effective anymore.

When we had our babies,

government decided

to downsize middle managers,

so sometimes you were home with us,

and still, somehow, we survived.

When we had babies,

I used cloth diapers,

and hung them out on the line to dry.

One summer, the gas company shut us off,

we had no hot water for weeks.

Our kids don’t know poverty,

Not like we did.

They have nice houses,

new furniture,

They don’t have wealth,

but they don’t go without,

or have to use food stamps

at a local store.

They don’t know the shame

of standing in line

to get that free government cheese,

They don’t know having to take a bus

to go downtown to pay a bill,

and I wonder what they will ever do

if hard times come to call,

or if they will know how to find the joy,

while making it through it all.

cfblack   10-06-2018