It is sent now to a German publisher. Today I re-read chapters 1-2. I really like my book. I worked like hell on it. What will they say?
book to publisher
September 14, 2010book
September 12, 2010If I ever publish this book, I will never write another one, ever ever.
Have worked all weekend updating stats because they are now out of date, & making a supposedly impressive table of figures. I have given up on finding clear, simple data for what I need. It is nowhere published in a simple and clear manner. Try to find simple percentages of prison inmates by state and racial groups. Some publish it, some don’t, other data is collected into a huge dataset on some national website, which I’m sorry, I am NOT going to download in order to just get a simple percentage of inmates by RACE per STATE. Then there is the Fedl Bureau of Prisons— for the federal prison population— another whole animal.
I can’t express the total exhaustion that has taken over my life so many times, from trying to write and publish this book. Some professor told me, “Don’t worry, this is not your LIFE WORK.” Well, yes it is. It is my life work. I will never write another book. A couple articles, yes, but no interest in a book.
the sound of football
September 11, 2010I like the sound of football. For most of the games, I don’t care who wins. I just like to hear the sound of the game.
When I was a child, the sound of football meant my dad was home. It meant family time and my dad was not working. It usually meant the adults would be laying around on couches, relaxing, talking, watching tv and taking naps. That is important to a child. It meant no school, and a big family dinner sometime that day. I would usually be playing in my room, making up games, going outside to see who was in the neighborhood, riding my bike or roller skating a bit, then coming inside again to hang out with the adults. As a little girl, I was not expected to watch or enjoy the game. But any time I wanted, I could hang out in the game room, listen to their voices, and hear the sound of the game.
Purdue football games are even more nostalgic. I’ve heard Purdue football since I was born, sometimes at the game itself. Today, hearing and watching Purdue football takes me back to my home town. It is where I am from, it is who I am, no matter where I live now. It is good to know where you are from. It gives you a sense of belonging, of identity. I am a Hoosier, but I am not IU, I’m a Boilermaker. West Lafayette has a certain identity, very different from Bloomington. Purdue is the enginnering school, IU is the artsy-fartsy community. Purdue is northwest Indiana, closer to Chicago; IU is southern Indiana, closer to Kentucky. Plains and cornfields vs. hilly southern Indiana. Even today, I wear more black and gold than anything else.
poetry night
September 9, 2010My husband’s sponsored poetry night tonight, was a really good night. I just enjoyed all the people. Lots of different people, different colors of browns, tans, whites, musicians, readers, some reading for the 1st time, others more practiced and professional moving to the beat of their words. European- background-New-Yorkers who read with little emotion but a wry sense of humor in the background of their words…. Friends showing up unexpectedly…..I just enjoyed myself.
When you listen to others’ poetry, it makes you want to go write some of your own. Tonight I had the thought to write one for Zakiah. I don’t know what it will be yet, but we’ll see if it comes to me. I love his spirit, his playfulness, and his 4 yr old sense of humor.
The other thing I enjoyed tonight was the featured poet. A lot of what she said meant something to me. I like thinking of women over 50 writing, and what they would write about compared to a woman of 25. It is just different. And it is different from what men of 50 and CERTAINLY men of 25 would write. I really like where I’m at, this age, and being creative this way. Women over 50 don’t really care who thinks what of whatever we write. We’re not so concerned to “impress”. It is a nice place to be.
I think Karl Marx was wrong in that work does not do away with our ability to create. It comes out in other ways, whether it be poetry, doing cross stitch, or making a power point. He was right in that it is much of what makes us human. The human spirit has a NEED to create. If we were working in a factory 12 hours/day, 6 days/week, alongside children, as in his day, perhaps we wouldn’t have time to do anything creative. But today? We may not LOVE our jobs, but we have enough time to create. We find a way to release that creative drive.
Now I really need to set my alarm and go to bed.
September air
September 7, 2010The air is changing. It is still hot during the day, so much so that I turn up the air conditioning (such as it is) in my office. Still hitting 90 in the afternoon. But not for long.
I do not feel much desire to swim in the pool anymore. The water is shivering cold from the cooler night air, which is getting down to the 60s. And it just feels . . . like fall. Kids are all in school, football games are going on, the days are shorter, late afternoon shade covers the pool if I am there past 4.
Dragonflies flit all around the pond, shimmering past you as you walk around it, never lighting on a human being. They are more interested in mosquitos and whatever other little bugs there are near the water. Our little toad who lives in our front yard garden still scurries across the front porch when I come home and jumps into the sandy dirt near the front yard bushes. Lately I’ve noticed humming birds at the neighbor’s feeder. The cranes have left our pond, not sure why. There was a large white one and smaller blue one but they’ve gone. Hawks still swoop and soar high above. Small turtles enjoy the late summer sun, perching on small logs and sticks in the water. I still love where we live.
I bought 2 book cases for $15. each, which add a final touch to the living room. Still need a kitchen table.
I have revised my book once again through chapter 1. Will concentrate on finishing it tomorrow and hopefully get it off to a German publisher who wants it. Cross your fingers. I want to be done with this one.
Labor Day weekend
September 6, 2010Someone I know has this for her signature file:
“America’s Labor Unions: the folks who brought you the weekend”
Thank you for that! I appreciate it. Especially 3 day ones like this one.
Leah, Jean, Zakiah and Naylah all weekend. We had great fun. Zakiah was a true delight. Naylah was so sweet and fun. We all had a good time and didn’t spend much money at all. We cooked at home, never went out to a restaurant, and didn’t even have a grill. Dishes were being washed continually. Leah & Jean got to go out together Sat. night & I watched Naylah. She took the warmed bottle just fine! Other times over the weekend it wasn’t so easy. She is cooing and smiling.
We went swimming in the pool, where the water has now turned cold. But it was still sparkling clean and great fun. Hardly anyone was in it until today, when we didn’t go. The days are piping hot, up to 9o degrees and the hot sun burns into your skin, but the nights are now getting down into the 60s, so we wake up slightly chilly.
Took walks around the pond, had 2 other friends over Sun. morning & they talked about being in Africa & practiced Swahili. Shared late breakfast/early lunch.
They left Sun. night but their car broke down about 45 mins. away from here. It’s incredible what then happened. They called, waited until Al got there & was looking at the battery, then BOOM!! A car wreck happened right next to where they were. Al pulled a car door off to get some people out of one car, and directed traffic. Jean called 911. As Leah said, “Our car broke down so we could be here to help these people.” In any case, they returned here, then Jean, Levin AND AL went back AGAIN to start their car to get it back here that night. The gas station they parked in was closed, & there was a WHOLE LOTTA TRAFFIC going in and out of the lot, in the form of illegal activity. They needed to get the car out of there, and the three of them needed to go retrieve it. As Al said, “3 men will not get attacked. Two could get attacked.” I was so glad when they were all done and home at 3am. Didn’t sleep much that night.
Monday we were lucky enough to find a place open to get an alternator replaced. They left about 5pm tonight & are finally home. Leah was worried about her class preparation this week. (Me too! I was going to work on it all day today.) But it was fun to have them return. Zakiah slept one more night on blankets at the end of our bed. It was such a nice time together.
Took Zakiah to the Chapin local parade today, which is small town memories. He got his face painte
d. All the boy scout troops and local businesses march in a parade and throw candy to the crowd…. Then Zakiah picked out boiled peanuts & went on 2 rides, as well as got a free balloon.
Toys for the weekend at Grandma’s house included:
a small rocket that launches with air through a cardboard tube, coloring book and crayons, numerous balloons, a “find it” tube with small things in it besides beads, various other little things. I keep an assortment of toys around for visits like these.
my birth! day
August 19, 2010Today is my birthday. We won’t be celebrating much because we happen to be broke until payday. 🙂
Many of my colleagues don’t even know how old I am. Something in me doesn’t want to tell them. (What does it matter, really??) I am just going to write some random thoughts. It is my birthday, after all…
First of all, I have so much to be thankful for. Praise be to God.
We have a beautiful, new baby granddaughter, born June 3rd! What could be better?
I have 3 other grandsons, each one of whom I love to the max. We also have 3 step-grandchildren but unfortunately, I never see them. Grandparents have no rights.
I have 4 wonderful kids, all functioning, able adults, with good hearts and spirits. Three are married. We all live in a total of 4 different states and stay in touch by phone, e-mail and facebook.
I have been married to the same man for 38 years…… It’s not that we have the perfect marriage. But we are happy, and he is my best friend in the world. At this age, we have pretty much settled our differences, have a decent respect for one another, are proud of how all our kids have “turned out” and enjoy being together. We are happy when our kids are with us, and happy when we are alone. It doesn’t really matter.
I have a new job, in my field, even in this economic down time. This will be my 3rd Fall teaching there. My relationships with students are developing. Some of them I am really close to, and will be so proud to see them graduate. (Then will THEY struggle to find a job?)
I love the place where I live. The house is good, not perfect, but it is newly built within the past 5 years, it has an extra bedroom, and it is nice. We still don’t have furniture to fill it, but oh well. I love the pond behind the house, listening to the frogs sing their chorus at night, the trees surrounding the neighborhood, and the neighborhood pool.
My schedule is now set so that I go in at 1:00 on Monday (then stay through 9pm), and I have nothing scheduled on Fridays. I have my summers OFF. Can’t complain!
I have never had any major health problems and for the most part, neither has my husband. (Knock on wood!)
So those are some of my blessings.
What would I like to change?? Typical of many women, my weight. I fully understand that models are diabolically thin. I don’t want to look like them, and I have lost the need to look sexy. 🙂 However, I do want to weight less than I do right now, which is more than I’ve weighed ever in my life. I am overweight. Something happens to a woman’s body after she turns 40, 45, 50…. it just gains weight naturally, on its own. It doesn’t ask you about it or give you any warning. You eat the same as you always did, and boom!! 20 lbs. more, 10 lbs. more. At this point I realize that I am engaged in a battle that is never-ending, to the very end of my days. That battle is with my aging body. I have to respect it, keep in tune with it, and go the extra mile (literally) to prevent its disintegration. Bad things will happen if I do not take this battle seriously.
It APPEARS, though I hesitate to believe it’s really true, that I have gone through menopause. At my age, it took TOO LONG. But it appears, that as of this summer, finally, things have stopped, ha ha. YAY, what a final freedom for a woman. I have felt hot flashes, not tremendously, not really all that much, but I definitely have them and know what they are. I describe them as your body catching fire on the inside, and working its way out. They don’t last too long and they are not insufferable. Not painful. You just know they are there.
My back is hurting all the time. When I get up, I have to stretch it out for awhile. I desperately need to walk 2-3 miles a day without fail. I tend to do that once or twice a week. Not enough. My knees now pop occasionally. It was probably 12 yrs. ago that I worked up to running 2 miles. I couldn’t do that now if I wanted to.
I have given up on contacts, after wearing them since I got a pair for my high school graduation. I just don’t care anymore. They were a constant irritation to my eyes. It was just vanity to wear them. However, I am looking forward to a new pair of glasses, which I will pick up at the end of this month. Trying to find a pair that look halfway decent on me. My eyesight, inherited from my dad, is so bad I am basically legally blind. An eye doctor told me, “They are something like 20/2600.” What a person with perfect vision could see 1/2 a mile away, I would need to get 20 ft. away from to see it!! HILARIOUS!! When I take my glasses off, the person in front of me is out of focus. I recognize people by the way they walk, their way of moving their body, their height. When I get into a swimming pool, I can no longer watch any child that is there with me, except that I recognize their general hair color and way that they are moving around in the pool…. SO, I doubt if Lasik will work for me, but I need to find out.
I know myself, know how I learn best, know how I function best. I am a natural introvert. I gain strength and peace of mind when I have time alone. TIME, not just 10 mins. while someone else is upstairs. Real time. Sometimes it takes me an entire day to revamp, and then I am ready once again to go outside my house.
I have very few friends. My women friends are those I met years ago and developed a relationship with. Technology is great, but I really believe it is responsible for people forming somewhat superficial relationships today. We get together on “facebook” and call that friendship. That is not real depth. And it is not sharing face to face, deeply felt feelings. That is another experience, and one that I wonder if “kids today” really know how to develop. I think it is a human need to have that level of bonding. But for me, personally, it is with my husband and my kids. Not many other people.
I can’t stand dogs most of the time. Can’t stand how they smell, how they need to be walked, how their tongues hang out and they pant, how they bark at people. Why is this America’s favorite pet?? I just don’t get it.
But I love cats. They are soft, they don’t bother you, they take care of themselves except for food, they are just pleasant. My husband doesn’t share this appreciation for cats. Since he now works from home and I must leave the home to work, we don’t have one.
I love swimming and water, and don’t care anymore how I look to others in a swimming suit (pretty much), so I just put it on and go in. It is only better for my body anyway, to get a little exercise.
Half of my family is now gone from this world. That is a weird truth. One of my siblings chooses to not have a relationship w/ me which is nothing I can control, the other one I appreciate and see occasionally.
and those are some of my thoughts on this, my birthday.