book to publisher

September 14, 2010

It is sent now to a German publisher. Today I re-read chapters 1-2. I really like my book. I worked like hell on it. What will they say?

book

September 12, 2010

If I ever publish this book, I will never write another one, ever ever.

Have worked all weekend updating stats because they are now out of date, & making a supposedly impressive table of figures. I have given up on finding clear, simple data for what I need. It is nowhere published in a simple and clear manner. Try to find simple percentages of prison inmates by state and racial groups. Some publish it, some don’t, other data is collected into a huge dataset on some national website, which I’m sorry, I am NOT going to download in order to just get a simple percentage of inmates by RACE per STATE. Then there is the Fedl Bureau of Prisons— for the federal prison population— another whole animal.

I can’t express the total exhaustion that has taken over my life so many times, from trying to write and publish this book. Some professor told me, “Don’t worry, this is not your LIFE WORK.” Well, yes it is. It is my life work. I will never write another book. A couple articles, yes, but no interest in a book.

the sound of football

September 11, 2010

I like the sound of football. For most of the games, I don’t care who wins. I just like to hear the sound of the game.  

When I was a child, the sound of football meant my dad was home. It meant family time and my dad was not working. It usually meant the adults would be laying around on couches, relaxing, talking, watching tv and taking naps. That is important to a child. It meant no school, and a big family dinner sometime that day. I would usually be playing in my room, making up games, going outside to see who was in the neighborhood, riding my bike or roller skating a bit, then coming inside again to hang out with the adults. As a little girl, I was not expected to watch or enjoy the game. But any time I wanted, I could hang out in the game room, listen to their voices, and hear the sound of the game.

Purdue football games are even more nostalgic. I’ve heard Purdue football since I was  born, sometimes at the game itself. Today, hearing and watching Purdue football takes me back to my home town. It is where I am from, it is who I am, no matter where I live now. It is good to know where you are from. It gives you a sense of belonging, of identity. I am a Hoosier, but I am not IU, I’m a Boilermaker. West Lafayette has a certain identity, very different from Bloomington. Purdue is the enginnering school, IU is the artsy-fartsy community. Purdue is northwest Indiana, closer to Chicago; IU is southern Indiana, closer to Kentucky. Plains and cornfields vs. hilly southern Indiana. Even today, I wear more black and gold than anything else.

poetry night

September 9, 2010

My husband’s sponsored poetry night tonight, was a really good night. I just enjoyed all the people. Lots of different people, different colors of browns, tans, whites, musicians, readers, some reading for the 1st time, others more practiced and professional moving to the beat of their words. European- background-New-Yorkers who read with little emotion but a wry sense of humor in the background of their words…. Friends showing up unexpectedly…..I just enjoyed myself.

When you listen to others’ poetry, it makes you want to go write some of your own. Tonight I had the thought to write one for Zakiah. I don’t know what it will be yet, but we’ll see if it comes to me. I love his spirit, his playfulness, and his 4 yr old sense of humor.

The other thing I enjoyed tonight was the featured poet. A lot of what she said meant something to me. I like thinking of women over 50 writing, and what they would write about compared to a woman of 25. It is just different. And it is different from what men of 50 and CERTAINLY men of 25 would write. I really like where I’m at, this age, and being creative this way. Women over 50 don’t really care who thinks what of whatever we write. We’re not so concerned to “impress”. It is a nice place to be.

I think Karl Marx was wrong in that work does not do away with our ability to create. It comes out in other ways, whether it be poetry, doing cross stitch, or making a power point. He was right in that it is much of what makes us human. The human spirit has a NEED to create. If we were working in a factory 12 hours/day, 6 days/week, alongside children, as in his day, perhaps we wouldn’t have time to do anything creative. But today? We may not LOVE our jobs, but we have enough time to create. We find a way to release that creative drive.

Now I really need to set my alarm and go to bed.

September air

September 7, 2010

The air is changing. It is still hot during the day, so much so that I turn up the air conditioning (such as it is) in my office. Still hitting 90 in the afternoon. But not for long.

I do not feel much desire to swim in the pool anymore. The water is shivering cold from the cooler night air, which is getting down to the 60s. And it just feels . . . like fall. Kids are all in school, football games are going on, the days are shorter, late afternoon shade covers the pool if I am there past 4.

Dragonflies flit all around the pond, shimmering past you as you walk around it, never lighting on a human being. They are more interested in mosquitos and whatever other little bugs there are near the water. Our little toad who lives in our front yard garden still scurries across the front porch when I come home and jumps into the sandy dirt near the front yard bushes. Lately I’ve noticed humming birds at the neighbor’s feeder. The cranes have left our pond, not sure why. There was a large white one and smaller blue one but they’ve gone. Hawks still swoop and soar high above. Small turtles enjoy the late summer sun, perching on small logs and sticks in the water. I still love where we live.

I bought 2 book cases for $15. each, which add a final touch to the living room. Still need a kitchen table.

I have revised my book once again through chapter 1. Will concentrate on finishing it tomorrow and hopefully get it off to a German publisher who wants it. Cross your fingers. I want to be done with this one.

Labor Day weekend

September 6, 2010

Someone I know has this for her signature file:

“America’s Labor Unions: the folks who brought you the weekend”

Thank you for that! I appreciate it. Especially 3 day ones like this one.

Leah, Jean, Zakiah and Naylah all weekend. We had great fun. Zakiah was a true delight. Naylah was so sweet and fun. We all had a good time and didn’t spend much money at all. We cooked at home, never went out to a restaurant, and didn’t even have a grill. Dishes were being washed continually. Leah & Jean got to go out together Sat. night & I watched Naylah. She took the warmed bottle just fine! Other times over the weekend it wasn’t so easy. She is cooing and smiling.

We went swimming in the pool, where the water has now turned cold. But it was still sparkling clean and great fun. Hardly anyone was in it until today, when we didn’t go. The days are piping hot, up to 9o degrees and the hot sun burns into your skin, but the nights are now getting down into the 60s, so we wake up slightly chilly.

Took walks around the pond, had 2 other friends over Sun. morning & they talked about being in Africa & practiced Swahili. Shared late breakfast/early lunch.

They left Sun. night but their car broke down about 45 mins. away from here. It’s incredible what then happened. They called, waited until Al got there & was looking at the battery, then BOOM!! A car wreck happened right next to where they were. Al pulled a car door off to get some people out of one car, and directed traffic. Jean called 911. As Leah said, “Our car broke down so we could be here to help these people.” In any case, they returned here, then Jean, Levin AND AL went back AGAIN to start their car to get it back here that night. The gas station they parked in was closed, & there was a WHOLE LOTTA TRAFFIC going in and out of the lot, in the form of illegal activity. They needed to get the car out of there, and the three of them needed to go retrieve it. As Al said, “3 men will not get attacked. Two could get attacked.” I was so glad when they were all done and home at 3am. Didn’t sleep much that night.

Monday we were lucky enough to find a place open to get an alternator replaced. They left about 5pm tonight & are finally home. Leah was worried about her class preparation this week. (Me too! I was going to work on it all day today.) But it was fun to have them return. Zakiah slept one more night on blankets at the end of our bed. It was such a nice time together.

Took Zakiah to the Chapin local parade today, which is small town memories. He got his face painted. All the boy scout troops and local businesses march in a parade and throw candy to the crowd…. Then Zakiah picked out boiled peanuts & went on 2 rides, as well as got a free balloon.

Toys for the weekend at Grandma’s house included:

a small rocket that launches with air through a cardboard tube, coloring book and crayons, numerous  balloons, a “find it” tube with small things in it besides beads, various other little things. I keep an assortment of toys around for visits like these.

Katrina 5 years ago

September 2, 2010

This morning I give a lecture on Hurricane Katrina. It all happened 5 years ago. I relate it to Stratification, inequality, class difference mixed with race, in America. The students like the subject, it is interesting for them. They are shocked when I get to the part about babies dying for lack of water in the Superdome.

It is a horrifying story. I get angry and sad every time I review it. Overwhelmed at the suffering. Remembering tv shots of people with arms outstretched, standing on their rooftops with signs, “HELP US!” And every face was brown. I remember someone saying, “If those were little teenage white cheerleaders, they wouldn’t have been left there. They wouldn’t have been taken to some deserted highway intersection and left there with no water, food, or protection.”

It is a story of tragedy, of a nation full of itself, floundering in a bureaucracy that did not function at the time most needed by its own people. No one expected Katrina to be this bad. It was a bad girl, coming across Florida as a Categotry 1 and hitting New Orleans as a Category 5. The people who never evacuated were the poorest of the poor. No car, no money, no place else to go = No evacuation.

I cannot imagine being holed up in the Superdome, not being ALLOWED to leave, and my baby dying for lack of water. Can you, really? in America? Can you imagine watching your own mother die for lack of medicine and medical care, and leaving her  body covered with a rag, to rot for days? No assistance? This is America?

I do not want this story to die out, as those 1800+ people did 5 years ago. We need to be reminded. My students need to hear it. So it never happens again. It is horrifying.

The Director of FEMA resigned. So did the Supt. of the New Orleans Police Dept. after law suits.

Federal marshalls positioned themselves on top of a bridge and started shooting (black) people trying to walk out of the flooding, over to the safer side, the richer, white areas. This HAPPENED, it is documented, and people testified they did it in court. I know academics who were with them and wrote about it later. The fear of hordes of uneducated  black folk streaming into their rich areas was too much. They brought out their guns. People were picked off their rooftops and left on deserted parts of highways with no water or food. What exactly were they supposed to do?

Was there looting? YES. And violence. It was chaos, but it was also unnecessary. That’s the really sad part. The American Federal Corps of Engineers was found responsible for the levee breaches, which then poured Lake Pontchatrain into the lower 9th ward. But they did not have to suffer or pay out a dime, due to protection clauses put in place years before, at the time of another hurricane.

Citizens came with their own boats, volunteering to rescue people themselves, and were turned away. They didn’t have the proper credentials, or clearance. This was bureaucracy at its worst.

Katrina survivors were scattered all over the country. Most of them never returned to New Orleans. Ray Nagin, who screamed over the news for those in Washington to “get off their asses and do something” is no longer mayor.

The city today is back to life, a fun place to visit, full of music and people. Academics take their conferences to New Orleans and have a great time in the French quarter. But in the lower 9th ward, houses are still boarded up. Churches do their best to serve the folks living there. It has not been rebuilt.

This could have been America at its BEST. We have a big heart. People tried to help. There is a lot of love in America, and most people don’t carry around the prejudices we used to. We realize people are people. The interesting thing is, when a tragedy happens, bureaucracy takes over. We expect the government to take care of the situation. And in this case, at this time in our history, it did not. It failed us. Citizen groups eventually organized themselves as relief agencies and many people put in hours and hours administering to the people, taking them water, food and supplies. Because FEMA never came.

Hurricane Earl is building as I write this, in the Caribbean. I wonder, what will prevent this from happening again? What will be the next tragedy?

hippie generation

August 28, 2010

I am of the “Hippie Generation”. Tune in and drop out, Flower Power, Make love not war, Peace, man!

Seriously, graduating from high school in ’71, I lived through the era of student protests and the rise of something called hippies. In my high school, you were “freak” or “Greek”.

When I was in grad school, a visiting scholar came to our Dept. and had a discussion with grad students. He had written a book about the time of burning draft cards and protest against Vietnam. It was his (not) humble opinion that most of the people were fakes. It didn’t mean much to most of them and they were just sheep following the crowd.

I was sitting there, the only person in his audience close to his age, and I took issue with his view. Though there were many who wandered around during the protests and followed the crowd, there were a lot of young men who knew exactly what risk they were taking when they burned their draft cards. They were going to jail. It was a DRAFT, you did not have the choice to say you weren’t going, thank u very much. It was law. If your number was called on the tv set the night they read numbers off for who were drafted next, you were going to Vietnam. It was terrifying, especially for those many of us who did not accept nor believe in this war. Many men and women connected to them went through hell trying to decide whether or not they were going, whether or not they needed to take time to protest this insane war, whether or not to run to Canada (which meant you could not come back), whether or not to apply for conscientious objector status. We all had moral choices to make, and they were big ones. We were young college students. This would affect the rest of our lives.

But we came out of an era of protest. We were baby boomers, born after WWII, born in the middle of the Civil Rights era, the time of freedom rides, bombings, the end of segregation. It was a time of BIG CHANGES for our country, and we felt that whatever we did would make a difference. We were filled with a sense of our own power. We thought we were shaping the future of our nation. We certainly did not believe in this war, and did not think it worth giving our lives for. In those days, being in college meant you were temporarily spared from the draft. It was called “college deferment”. TODAY, deferment means putting off the payments on your huge student debt you accumulated to finish your degree. THEN, deferment meant you could avoid the draft. So to RISK being kicked out of school by taking part in demonstrations was a life risk. It was no easy decision. I resented the “lightness” of the attitude of the person sitting in front of a bunch of grad students who did not “know” the era as we did. He was making light of a time that significantly impacted so many during that era, causing heart break, confusion, and soul searching. Yes we were nieve and young, but it was a time of great decision-making, devotion to a cause, and coming together to effect change in our society. Or so we thought.

Then there is the MEDIA VIEW of the hippie generation. Just saw another tv documentary on it a few nights ago. Every time they showed young people together, they were at a music concert, singing and swaying, taking off their clothes, kissing, and in general, acting like idiots. That was not what it was like for the majority of us then. Yes, there was a new wave of music concerts, Woodstock being the ultimate one, and people doing dope. People smoked pot a lot. But we weren’t all swaying around, taking off our clothes, and having sex with everyone else at the concerts. “Free love” is a slogan that came out of that time period. We were concerned with “being free” as the ultimate experience. But I never slept with anyone at a concert. I was actually in school and getting married at the time. But my husband, after much souls searching, wrote a letter to the government and told them he morally did not believe in this war, couldn’t go to it, and applied for conscientious objector status, which means if you DO go, you do not carry a gun. Not the most appealing situation to be in, in the middle of the Vietnam “conflict”!! You would go as a medic. OR, you stay stateside and give 2 years of your life in some other job for below minimum wage. He was drafted, it pulled him out of school, he worked 2 years stateside in a hospital, and it changed our lives forever. He never finished his degree. He couldn’t get a job for years after that, because his draft status was listed on his job application. He was seen as a traitor.

Basically, this is all I wanted to say. I don’t think most people in protests were just sheep following the crowd. They took a chance of being kicked out of school and drafted, by doing it. Four students lost their lives at the hands of National Guard troops, by deciding to participate in a peaceful protest at Kent State University. It was a time of great tension in our country, and great soul searching. It was a time that young adults felt empowered to change our country. If only they could have moved from that state, to one of knowing that their votes mattered in elections.

my birth! day

August 19, 2010

Today is my birthday. We won’t be celebrating much because we happen to be broke until payday. 🙂 

Many of my colleagues don’t even know how old I am. Something in me doesn’t want to tell them. (What does it matter, really??) I am just going to write some random thoughts. It is my birthday, after all…

First of all, I have so much to be thankful for. Praise be to God.

We have a beautiful, new baby granddaughter, born June 3rd! What could be better?

I have 3 other grandsons, each one of whom I love to the max. We also have 3 step-grandchildren but unfortunately, I never see them. Grandparents have no rights.

I have 4 wonderful kids, all functioning, able adults, with good hearts and spirits. Three are married. We all live in a total of 4 different states and stay in touch by phone, e-mail and facebook.

I have been married to the same man for 38 years…… It’s not that we have the perfect marriage. But we are happy, and he is my best friend in the world. At this age, we have pretty much settled our differences, have a decent respect for one another, are proud of how all our kids have “turned out” and enjoy being together. We are happy when our kids are with us, and happy when we are alone. It doesn’t really matter.

I have a new job, in my field, even in this economic down time. This will be my 3rd Fall teaching there. My relationships with students are developing. Some of them I am really close to, and will be so proud to see them graduate. (Then will THEY struggle to find a job?)

I love the place where I live. The house is good, not perfect, but it is newly built within the past 5 years, it has an extra bedroom, and it is nice. We still don’t have furniture to fill it, but oh well. I love the pond behind the house, listening to the frogs sing their chorus at night, the trees surrounding the neighborhood, and the neighborhood pool.

My schedule is now set so that I go in at 1:00 on Monday (then stay through 9pm), and I have nothing scheduled on Fridays. I have my summers OFF. Can’t complain!

I have never had any major health problems and for the most part, neither has my husband. (Knock on wood!)

So those are some of my blessings.

What would I like to change?? Typical of many women, my weight. I fully understand that models are diabolically thin. I don’t want to look like them, and I have lost the need to look sexy. 🙂  However, I do want to weight less than I do right now, which is more than I’ve weighed ever in my life. I am overweight. Something happens to a woman’s body after she turns 40, 45, 50…. it just gains weight naturally, on its own. It doesn’t ask you about it or give you any warning. You eat the same as you always did, and boom!! 20 lbs. more, 10 lbs. more. At this point I realize that I am engaged in a battle that is never-ending, to the very end of my days. That battle is with my aging body. I have to respect it, keep in tune with it, and go the extra mile (literally) to prevent its disintegration. Bad things will happen if I do not take this battle seriously.

It APPEARS, though I hesitate to believe it’s really true, that I have gone through menopause. At my age, it took TOO LONG. But it appears, that as of this summer, finally, things have stopped, ha ha. YAY, what a final freedom for a woman. I have felt hot flashes, not tremendously, not really all that much, but I definitely have them and know what they are. I describe them as your body catching fire on the inside, and working its way out. They don’t last too long and they are not insufferable. Not painful. You just know they are there.

My back is hurting all the time. When I get up, I have to stretch it out for awhile. I desperately need to walk 2-3 miles a day without fail. I tend to do that once or twice a week. Not enough. My knees now pop occasionally. It was probably 12 yrs. ago that I worked up to running 2 miles. I couldn’t do that now if I wanted to.

I have given up on contacts, after wearing them since I got a pair for my high school graduation. I just don’t care anymore. They were a constant irritation to my eyes. It was just vanity to wear them. However, I am looking forward to a new pair of glasses, which I will pick up at the end of this month. Trying to find a pair that look halfway decent on me. My eyesight, inherited from my dad, is so bad I am basically legally blind. An eye doctor told me, “They are something like 20/2600.” What a person with perfect vision could see 1/2 a mile away, I would need to get 20 ft. away from to see it!! HILARIOUS!! When I take my glasses off, the person in front of me is out of focus. I recognize people by the way they walk, their way of moving their body, their height. When I get into a swimming pool, I can no longer watch any child that is there with me, except that I recognize their general hair color and way that they are moving around in the pool…. SO, I doubt if Lasik will work for me, but I need to find out.

I know myself, know how I learn best, know how I function best. I am a natural introvert. I gain strength and peace of mind when I have time alone. TIME, not just 10 mins. while someone else is upstairs. Real time. Sometimes it takes me an entire day to revamp, and then I am ready once again to go outside my house.

I have very few friends. My women friends are those I met years ago and developed a relationship with. Technology is great, but I really believe it is responsible for people forming somewhat superficial relationships today. We get together on “facebook” and call that friendship. That is not real depth. And it is not sharing face to face, deeply felt feelings. That is another experience, and one that I wonder if “kids today” really know how to develop. I think it is a human need to have that level of bonding. But for me, personally, it is with my husband and my kids. Not many other people.

I can’t stand dogs most of the time. Can’t stand how they smell, how they need to be walked, how their tongues hang out and they pant, how they bark at people. Why is this America’s favorite pet?? I just don’t get it.

But I love cats. They are soft, they don’t bother you, they take care of themselves except for food, they are just pleasant. My husband doesn’t share this appreciation for cats. Since he now works from home and I must leave the home to work, we don’t have one.

I love swimming and water, and don’t care anymore how I look to others in a swimming suit (pretty much), so I just put it on and go in. It is only better for my body anyway, to get a little exercise.

Half of my family is now gone from this world. That is a weird truth. One of my siblings chooses to not have a relationship w/ me which is nothing I can control, the other one I appreciate and see occasionally.

and those are some of my thoughts on this, my birthday.

mosque at ground zero

August 16, 2010

First of all, it is not “at” Ground Zero. It is something like 2 — 2  1/2 miles away from Ground Zero, on private property. So where shall we legislate is far enough away? 5 miles? 10? nowhere in NYC? what? and who decides?

I am for it. I think it is perfectly fine to have a house dedicated to the worship of God, from one of the major religions of the world that has been around since about 600 A.D., near ground zero. It would be really nice if we also built a church, a synagoge and maybe a Hindu and Buddhist temple on the same  block! It would be a place of prayer for all peoples, to offer supplication to the One Creator for this to never happen again, to say prayers for peace and an end to senseless killing by radical extremists insane with misplaced anger. Of course, the only thing being built is a mosque.

The Islamic world condemns the horrific tragedy that occurred at Ground Zero. There is a radical and growing, violent element within their own ranks, and I think they cannot be ignored and must be continually fought so that they do not bring more destruction. But this radical faction is not building a mosque near ground zero.

Islam is a worldwide religion, one that brought us algebra, beautiful architecture, a very strict and drug-free way of life, prayer 5X a day, giving to the poor as a matter of worship, and many other things. These are the basic teachings. It united many warring tribes and united them into a strong and disciplined nation of peoples, in its day. The nation with the most Muslims within its borders is INDONESIA. Ask the average American and they would probably say a nation in the Middle East. And by the way, Jesus was from the Middle East. The Sermon on the Mount was given in the Middle East. It is an area of the world rich with history and religion(s).

Islam does not promote terrorism. Their radical extremist minority factions DO.

I really think what it comes down to is that most middle-class and lower-class Americans do not have the slightest understanding of what Islam is, and do not know personally any one Muslim. If they did, they would not be going insane because of a mosque, a house of worship, being built at ground zero on private property.

Freedom of religion has always been a tricky thing in America. George Washington wrote to the “Sons of Israel” and welcomed Jews into colonial life, but we all know we have more church denominations than you can count and churches are also very racially divided. Religion hasn’t exactly been the example of unity and bringing people together in this land of diversity.

What an opportunity here to show our true belief in FREEDOM of religion, to show our tolerance for law-abiding and peaceful people in this nation of different cultures, races and peoples. We say this country was founded on Christianity, but the Christianity of our Founding Fathers was a radical type of Christianity most Americans could not relate to today.

People always want to quote their principles when it is most convenient, and legislate their own morality at times when it gets a little uncomfortable. Educated politicians are on television comparing Muslims to Nazis. PLEASE! GO BACK TO SCHOOL, read another book or two, learn something. It’s like condemning all Europeans because of the Holocaust. These terrorist groups are just that, and they are not the Muslim world. Let’s show our tolerance and brotherhood in action. Who are we as a nation? And who do we want to be? What lessons of tolerance are we to teach our children?