December graduation

December 12, 2011

Wednesday this week is December graduation at my small college. When our oldest daughter graduated from Purdue, we were escorted to the third balcony, I believe it was, and when she walked across the stage, we couldn’t even tell which one she was. Their names were scrolling across a screen as they swarmed the stage, two lines, criss-crossing in the shape of an “X” and leaving the stage with their empty diploma folder! It was ridiculous. What was the point? Still, the entire auditorium was filled with proud parents, ourselves included, as we somehow pictured it being more like the high school graduation was, where at least we would hear our child’s name and know when they walked onto the graduation stage.

At my college on Wednesday, we will go into the chapel which will be filled with beautiful red poinsettas. Now I’m not a church attender, but I know beauty when I see it. And I love red. So it suits me just fine.

Faculty parade in, each in their own institution’s gown from when they graduated. Mine is the only gold & black hood for PU. Each graduate will not only have his or her name announced, but each one is personally hooded by the acting President, and then they will each have their picture taken WITH the acting President before leaving the stage. It is a happy day, a proud day, and we personally know each graduate very well by the time they get on that stage. That’s because we’ve seen them in numerous classes, as they go back and forth between myself and my colleague, the 2 sociology faculty at my school. They take other classes as well, but we’ve seen them in every sociology class they ever take. Additionally, we are their advisors, so we consult with them to sign them up for classes each semester. It is an intimate and caring relationship, one that often continues over 5 years’ time. By the time we see them walk across that stage, we feel nearly as proud as the parents!

After living the experience at a small college, I would not trade it for the world. There are pros and cons about each situation. Large universities have their own national reputations which help graduates land jobs after they leave. They have sports teams that are seen on national television, and nothing can beat the experience of a crowd of thousands at a football stadium the size of a small planet. At a place like that, you form your own groups and clubs, because you need those to feel connected. But there is a faculty of 20 or so professors within each discipline. Students can graduate in your own field without ever having taken one of your classes! No thanks, folks. I can think of each student and know their best skills and the things they do poorly. I know the ones who are usually late to class, who don’t do well taking one at 8am. I know the ones who play sports and how their team did their senior year. I know those who are always early to class, I know whose grandfather died in the last year. I know many who never made it to this stage, who dropped out for one reason or another along the way, the same as many of my student colleagues did alongside of me in graduate school. Not everyone makes it to the final runway. Not everyone should. Life has many paths. But for those who DO, we gonna get down and celebrate on Wednesday!! Picture time! Oh yeah. 

Posted in South Carolina | Leave a Comment »

memory of my mom

December 10, 2011

I just had a memory/vision of my mom which made me briefly break down crying.

My mother was very child-like. She accepted whatever her pastor told her. She accepted what other women in her own Bible study told her, as if they knew more than her. In reality, her faith was larger than most of them in her later weeks, months, years of life. Her best friend once told her, “Marti, we won’t know each other when we die — we’ll be ANGELS!” And my poor mother accepted that. I personally think her friend was “dead wrong”.   🙂 

My mother was also a recovering alcoholic. She learned that term in treatment. She almost died that week that my brother & sister drove her in. She learned that an alcoholic is always “recovering” and not “recovered”, and, like a child, she believed them when they told her, “If you take ONE DRINK, you’ll be RIGHT BACK WHERE YOU WERE when you came in here.”  She was technically dead when she came in there. She knew that too, and believed that if she ever took ONE DRINK, she’d be right back at death’s doorstep. And so she never did take another drink and lived 22 years after leaving the facility.

She went to a live-in, residential treatment facility, without which I believe she never would have quit. It took her body a week to get sober. Then she started in on “treatment”. In the facility, they focused on acceptance and love. Acceptance for the condition they were in and their addiction, and complete forgiveness and love for the self. Addicts are inherently self-centered. The world revolves around their addiction and their next drink, and all else is secondary. Recovering addicts are the same. They have to be! The world revolves around their staying sober and all else is secondary. It is my belief that this self-centeredness carries over into every other aspect of their lives, which makes them damn hard to live with. But it makes them possible to have a relationship with. My kids would not have known their grandma if she had not quit drinking. When she stopped, they were just barely old enough to start seeing the alcohol, and I would have stopped taking them there. They would not know their grandma drunk. But she stopped, and that made a relationship possible, and is one that they cherish to this day.

In a hallway in the treatment facility, they had a little bell. Any time anyone wanted a hug, they could ring that little bell and stand there, and someone would come and give them a hug. Many times, visits with family members are restricted while they learn to deal with themselves and their addiction. My memory/vision of my mother is of her standing there in that hallway, by that little bell, and ringing it. She would do that. She told me about it. It just breaks my heart right now to think of her standing there in need of a hug. Sometimes I really miss my mom.

Posted in addictions, Family | Leave a Comment »

The Incredible Shrinking Man

December 7, 2011

There is an old movie from 1957 by the title of, The Incredible Shrinking Man. I was just thinking about it. I watched it as a young girl, probably because my older brother was watching it, and it stayed with me. I’m sure when I was watching it, I was “glued to the set” mesmerized by it. The guy is hit by radiation and insecticide and somehow, this causes him to start shrinking, and medical science cannot do anything for him. He eventually lives in a dollhouse, but then their cat tries to get him from there. He goes to the basement of his & his wife’s house & gets locked in there with a giant spider. In the end, he somehow gets out into the yard, and is the size of an ant, and knows he is STILL SHRINKING!  — Think about that! What would you do? You can’t talk to anybody anymore. You will eventually be eaten by something — maybe even something not visible to the normal-sized “human” eye. Who are you, at that point?

The thing that sticks with me about the ending is that this little man, this incredible shrinking man, stands back and looks up at the sky and sees the stars. He looks up into God’s heaven, and he knows he is not alone, that he is part of the universe, and that he matters.

Isn’t that an incredible ending? Would a movie of today end like that? I don’t think so. I think that is a lost art, to really say something about human nature and the universe in a popular movie. They try but it’s more all about the glitz, the technological chase scenes or something else. I think that is an incredible statement in the end. We matter. No matter how alone we feel, we are not alone, we are part of the whole entire universe, and we matter. There is a song from black gospel that talks about the sparrow. God knows the sparrow, and He knows me. ‘His eye is on the sparrow,’ is the wording.

As time goes on, and my husband doesn’t have a job or any income, for 6 months now, sometimes I start to feel that God doesn’t hear or that there is simply no answer. Yet, if I go back to prayer and envelop myself in His Holy words, it is always the same. The Love is always there, the feeling of completeness, the knowlege of Holy souls (call them angels if you wish), the understanding that there is more to the universe than this life. So what does it all mean? I don’t know. What do we do next? I really don’t know. I just know that God’s love surrounds us, always. This is a gift in itself.

Posted in hard times | Leave a Comment »

the symbolism of housing

December 5, 2011

I have some thoughts tonight on housing. Shelter. Something all human beings need. These are somewhat random thoughts right now but perhaps they will gel over time.

Tonight I watched police of Washington DC take Occupiers off the roof of a makeshift building they erected at their site. It was meant to be a shelter from the cold, for both Occupiers and the homeless milling about in DC. I watched, mesmerized, for over an hour, while police came in, went up in a cherry-picker, and literally “picked” students off the roof of this thing. The last one refused to budge and held a steel-like grip until police literally pried him off, one limb at a time, and he finally, finally relented.

The fascinating story in my mind that began to take shape is the SYMBOLIC MEANING of HOUSING or shelter that was being created, by the actions of these young adults in our nation’s capital. I find myself with very mixed feelings about the whole occupy movement. I sympathize greatly with their cause. Greed is rampant in America, and those 1% do have an ungodly and immense amout of wealth unlike any other industrialized nation on earth. In fact, most of the rest of the largely industrialized nations have taken great steps to lessen their wealth and wage gap. Not in America. Mostly because we have this thing about individual RIGHTS and freedoms that we see as, the freedom to make all the money you can, in almost any way you can, and you don’t owe anybody else a DIME. Which I think is wrong. We do owe others a dime. We owe EVERYONE, in fact, food, clean water, and shelter. Not that everyone has to have the exact same quality or amount, but a heckuva lot closer in value than we have now. Or at least the opportunity to EARN it, which doesn’t exist right now. JOBS are gone and no one in the 1% gives a HOOT about that. People’s lives are melting away before them, and those at the top continue in their exploitation and taking jobs overseas, because it’s ALL about the money, it’s all about profit alone.

In any case, the police took them off the roof, and I turned it off at that point (when I saw that they didn’t tase or mase anybody to get them off), so I assume they then dismantled the house on the Occupy grounds. I don’t really have a problem with that. And I applaud the officers in tonight’s case, who showed great restraint, even after this kid peed all over them as they stood below him towards the end. They did not act or look angry in the footage. You didn’t see it on CNN by the way, because they refused to cover it, even though I watched for nealry 2 full HOURS on someone’s own webcam and independently broadcast production! We know who’s bought out. It’s become so totally blatantly obvious in the past few weeks, I don’t even want to watch them anymore.

The symbolism of the shelter erected at the site was 1) to house our homeless population, which in America is shameful. And 2) to show solidarity and sympathy with the 1 out of 10 Americans whose homes went into foreclosure in this crisis.

People losing their HOMES is a powerful image! It is a powerful reality in today’s society. With the loss of income of my husband, we even stand one toothpick away from that, and the reason it would never happen that we would be on the street or in a shelter is that we have supportive family. What if we didn’t? What if we were totally reliant on only ourselves. We could be on the street with a PhD. That is the world we live in. And that is powerful. It is very powerful greed operating our world today.

I have enough family that I am not close to, that I can imagine this happening to people. My family is splintered, my mother, father and older brother already gone from this world, and I have 9 first cousins, none of whom ever talks to me or writes. We don’t know what’s going on in each other’s lives. Most of them also splintered years ago, and there are no family get-togethers. Those who we were closest to in my childhood completely shut me out. So, yes, I can see people ending up homeless from a foreclosure. Some families are not that close, through no fault of the kids.

How much of the world is without shelter tonight? If 2/3 of the world’s population exists on $2.00/day or less, what do you think? We live in a world out of balance, where children go hungry, earthquakes devastate already-poverty-striken places, and a year or more later, large populations are still living in tent cities, and we sit and watch our TV and eat our food at night and never think of them. What do they think of us?

Food – Clean water – Shelter from the cold, and the rain, and life’s outside problems, every child deserves. Even those homeless in America. Shame on our banks and our system that takes back homes they offered and adveretised and SOLD to people who now cannot afford their payments. SHAME on our politicians who let weeks and weeks and weeks go by and do nothing to create jobs for those in their own country ready and willing to work! Shame on the South Carolina state govt. for priding itself on how many unemployment applications it TURNS DOWN every week. Shame on us all.

Posted in stories in the news | Leave a Comment »

Wintry December

December 4, 2011

Dec. 3rd and winter has hit the Midlands. What does that mean? It is 45 degrees outside, and cloudy. I just took a 2 1/2 mile walk without gloves. The trees are nearly barren, the colors are gone, and brown oak leaves are strewn all around the pond. I don’t see turtles swimming, but an occasional large fish still jumps & splashes as I walk by. Our heat is on WAY too much, because our house is so poorly constructed, I can see 1/2 an inch of sunlight at the top of the back door. This is when it is “closed”. So we keep it set to 68, and lay in bed way too long in the mornings, because it is the warmest room in the house. It gets down into the 30s at night & hits 50 during the day. Winter in the Midlands.

Posted in South Carolina, weather | Leave a Comment »

Julia MacNern and Tom Haniford

December 2, 2011

written to my kids: Next week is finals week & then I have a month off. You will probably receive more e-mails from me about family history, since we don’t have money to go anywhere, that is what I plan to do w/ my time.
 
Here is a tidbit. The lady who was Indian, on dad’s side, according to Aunt Lucille & other family members, was named JULIA McNERN in her marriage to Thomas Haniford.

 In the transcribed marriage record, Thomas’ last name is mistakenly listed as HAMFORD, and Julia’s name as: JULIA MAE NORN. At first I thought, “Oh! Mae Norn is her Indian name,” but no, I got a copy of the original marriage record and it is MacNern! It ticks me off how many mistakes there are when you go to look for records. Viewing this, it is no wonder that next to NOTHING has been found in any other records, for them, besides that fact that they each lived less than 10 yrs. after they got married. We know this because their daughter Dolly was born in 1876, but all their kids are parceled out to other homes by 1880. And family stories say Julia died in childbirth or shortly thereafter.

In any case, this was the 2nd marriage for both of them. So if this Julia was Indian, she had probably married another Scots Irishman named MacNern, before marrying Tom Haniford. There are more mysteries for sure to be uncovered in our families.
 
Thomas and Julia were married NOV.8th, 1869, just about 142 years ago, in Warren County, Indiana. From that marriage, Dolly was born, the mother of Grandma Julia Black. Significantly, Dolly named her daughter JULIA, after her own (Indian) mother. The older JULIA died shortly after Dolly’s birth. Then Thomas died shortly after that, both within a 5-year span. Haven’t found either of their graves yet.
Name:Thomas Hamford
[Thomas Haniford]
[Julia MacNern]
Spouse Name:Julia Mae Norn
Marriage Date:8 Nov 1869
Marriage County:Warren
Source Title 1:Warren County Indiana
Source Title 2:Index to Marriage Record 1853 – 1920 Inclusive Vol
Source Title 3:W. P. A. Origifal Record Located: County Clerk’s O
Book:5
OS Page:337

Posted in family tree research | Leave a Comment »

late November in SC

November 20, 2011

Our heat is on. Nights have been in the 30s, which here means people stay home because “it’s too cold to go outside”. Cracks me up because up north, back home, this would be the time kids pray for, hoping it will snow! I’ve only in the last couple days taken my winter jacket out of the closet. Didn’t even wear it last night when we went out.

The stupid next-door dog is barking once again incessantly while I write this. Someone is undoubtedly walking around the pond. He will bark until they go all the way around. The family is gone to church so what do they care, they don’t have to hear it. There is no thought, here, of needing to bring animals inside. Cats run wild and there are many of them. It’s an animal paradise, never getting cold enough to freeze the pond. It would be an easy fix: No animal ownership if you live ON the pond, or requiring muzzled dogs if they are outside. But no, the people in the neighborhood association love dogs, own many dogs, and so this abuse continues.

I got sidetracked. Fall leaves have been BEAUTIFUL this year, proving my prediction wrong. Yellows and oranges, even reds, were breath taking and bright. The trees are now turning somewhat brown and leaves may fall — by the first of December. It’s a different climate, the timing is “off”. I can remember Halloweens in the snow, in Indiana, though usually it wasn’t quite that cold. But by the end of November? You betcha.

The weather won’t stay this cold. It will fluctuate, some days going up to the 50s, possibly even 60s & then  back down. We may see snow in December or January — which will accumulate and bring all the children out to play wildly, build a snowman in their yards — and it all disappears by noon. Snowmen left standing will melt by next day. It is really bizarre.

Tulips are never planted here. The ground doesn’t freeze enough to have them do well and come up in Spring. Flowers grow year-round. Pansies remain in bloom at the Statehouse through the winter.

A group of 3 small children are now seen fishing across the pond, a mother standing with them. They wear long pants and a light jacket, open in the front. One just wears a long-sleeved shirt. They REALLY, truly, have no idea what cold is. When I think of cold winds whipping through your coat like you have nothing on……. being snowed in for days………. starting the car 10 mins. before you leave and spending that time scraping ICE off car windows……. no they have no idea.

 

Posted in South Carolina, weather | Leave a Comment »

tests & difficulties

November 20, 2011

Without going through them, you really never learn. You never learn that this life is built on the “changes and chances of this world”. There are certain lessons learned by experience & you just can’t learn them elsewhere. Words don’t do it. After awhile you realize, nothing really matters but the bounties of God.

Going through this hard time, I have a tendency to turn away from God. I’m tired. I ask God, how long must we wait? We need an answer NOW, what do you expect us to do? We can’t go on this way forever. Which is true. Circumstances must change if this situation continues, but we will go on. We will go on to living in a new place. We will be forced to move in with one of our kids? Who knows, but God?? HOWEVER, we will go on, and life will continue for as long as it is supposed to.

Bottom line, if I can just go back to prayer, continually go back to prayer, those worlds of the spirit surround me. I know there is more than this world, I know there is a world of spirit, and God’s love continually surrounds me without ceasing. So putting this all together, what do I do with it? “Be still and know that I am God.” One of my favorite verses. Be still. And know that I am God. We are not God. Read the Book of Job and this is the final lesson. We are not God. We are in His hands. The promise is that no matter WHAT we are facing, His ever-present spirit is with us through it all. That is the promise. And we all know, He never promised us “a rose garden”.

‘Abdu’l-Baha once told a woman who was distraught and coming to Him for advice, You have been acting like a ship lost at sea, tossing and turning with the waves. Now be a strong ship — ride the waves. Direct your course through them and get to your destination.

That is a paraphrase. As I worry about our circumstances, I know that others are facing worse. If I turn my focus outward, there is a realization of opportunity of comforting others, and service. This life is never guaranteed circumstances. It is set up so that we all experience the changes & chances of this world, and learn not to depend on them for happiness. True happiness is reliance on the only foundation that is eternal, and that is the world of spirituality, our spirit.

This does not mean that there are circumstances in this world that should not improve, as greed and corruption bring untold needless pain and should be stopped. Oftentimes it is in the name of RELIGION! Or FOOTBALL (which for some is very similar)! NO EXCUSES for such behavior in the name of the law, religion, a school, football or any other. The world is sick with your excuses. The social world needs to be redesigned and reformed, and it will be eventually. We have enough food in this world to share and no one go hungry. We do not see the rest of the world as one humanity, or we would never allow this inequality to continue.

So from these ramblings, my point is that we are, in essence, spirit, and when we most feel like turning AWAY, that is when we most need to turn back towards spirituality. I don’t know how it all works, but I know the effect of prayer, and it is real. I know that we have to resolve our situation and no one else will do it for us. That is another reality. Receiving spiritual sustenance while doing that is most important and may lead us in a good direction. (These thoughts are rather haphazard and not clearly focused, but I will post them anyway…)

Posted in hard times | Leave a Comment »

joyous news, such love

November 8, 2011

Today my son and daughter-in-law put aside their fears of miscarriage. Baby is 10+ weeks and developing perfectly normally. Such joy, such love, such a tiny little one, who has no idea how much she is already loved and cherished.

I feel it is a girl. For all mine & all my grandkids so far, I’ve always been right, even before ultrasound days, & with my daughter who never wants to know until the birth. Usually I never guess this early, but this one has ALWAYS been girl. If it changes, then it changes. If I’m wrong, I’m wrong, it doesn’t matter. But this one is STRONG GIRL. That’s just how I feel.

hi Mommy hi Daddy

Posted in Family, grandchildren, waiting for baby | Leave a Comment »

Halloween memories

October 30, 2011

Halloween

Memories of so many Halloweens,

With four children wanting to have some fun,

Four children wanting a costume

And no money to buy them one,

The oldest was 8

When the youngest was born,

They grew up together,

While I was home,

A stay-at-home mom for 11 years,

In the 1980s recession,

Each year we canvassed the store shelves,

where costumes were for sale,

We’d have some fun,

Try on hats,

Chase each other with a scary mask,

Just before the witching hour,

We’d throw together some old clothes,

Paint little faces with make-up,

Make our own costume,

Some were ghosts,

some were witches,

the boys might carry a sword,

we usually bought a special prop,

and made up all the rest,

The girls might be a princess

With a cheap, toy princess crown,

Occasionally one would be their dad,

Wearing his old clothes,

A pirate with an eye patch,

a Raggedy Ann doll,

Someone in their PJs,

Carrying a pillow,

If I could, I would time travel

Back to those nights,

With my four little goblins,

And walk the neighborhood,

Today we live hundreds of miles apart,

Each of us in a different state,

Grandma gets pictures on Facebook

of grandchild pirates and power rangers,

Create memories while you can,

These days are gone in a minute,

And hope that these good times make up

For all your mistakes, as a parent!

 CFBlack                10-30-2011

Posted in poetry | Leave a Comment »

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »