This is Faith

December 1, 2013
THIS IS FAITH
 
To walk where there is no path
 —– To breathe where there is no air
To see where there is no light — 
 ———-  This is Faith.
 
To cry out in the silence,
 —– The silence of the night,
And hearing no echo believe
 —– And believe again and again — 
 ———-  This is Faith.
 
To hold pebbles and see jewels
 —– To raise sticks and see forests
To smile with weeping eyes — 
 ———-  This is Faith.
 
To say: “God, I believe” when others deny,
 —– “I hear” when there is no answer,
“I see” though naught is seen — 
 ———-  This is Faith.
 
And the fierce love in the heart,
 —– The savage love that cries
Hidden Thou art yet there!
 —– Veil Thy face and mute Thy tongue
 
Yet I see and hear Thee, Love,
 —– Beat me down to the bare earth,
Yet I rise and love Thee, Love!
 ———-  This is Faith.
                                                   by Amatu’l-Baha Ruhiyyih Khanum

Be generous in prosperity, and thankful in adversity

November 30, 2013

“Be generous in prosperity, and thankful in adversity. Be worthy of the trust of thy neighbor, and look upon him with a bright and friendly face. Be a treasure to the poor, an admonisher to the rich, an answerer of the cry of the needy, a preserver of the sanctity of thy pledge. Be fair in thy judgment, and guarded in thy speech. Be unjust to no man, and show all meekness to all men. Be as a lamp unto them that walk in darkness, a joy to the sorrowful, a sea for the thirsty, a haven for the distressed, an upholder and defender of the victim of oppression. Let integrity and uprightness distinguish all thine acts. Be a home for the stranger, a balm to the suffering, a tower of strength for the fugitive. Be eyes to the blind, and a guiding light unto the feet of the erring. Be an ornament to the countenance of truth, a crown to the brow of fidelity, a pillar of the temple of righteousness, a breath of life to the body of mankind, an ensign of the hosts of justice, a luminary above the horizon of virtue, a dew to the soil of the human heart, an ark on the ocean of knowledge, a sun in the heaven of bounty, a gem on the diadem of wisdom, a shining light in the firmament of thy generation, a fruit upon the tree of humility.”

hummingbird
―     Bahá’u’lláh     www.goodreads.com

 

in God’s own time

November 23, 2013

In God’s Own Time

 

God thinks differently than we do.

To Him, Time is not money,

It does not fly away when you’re having fun,

or have to be assessed

one day at a time,

Time is not of the essence,

because the essence of our lives is not measured

in minutes,

but rather in moments,

and what happened in them,

who we hurt, or who we loved

in each immeasurable instance.

Did we think we were the Cause,

or the conductor

of that energy?

Were we the Creator

or the Reflector

of the Sun?

In the eye of God,

Time does not advance,

and it certainly does not happen

as we want it to.

For us, minutes turn into hours,

turn into days, and years,

and we want things to happen in a certain length

of time,

There may be reasons unknown to us,

things we don’t see at the … time,

There may be something we have to learn,

and it may take a lifetime or more,

It may be a moment for someone else,

and we are not aware of it,

We are backed up in traffic

there is an accident ahead,

The person in the accident

may or may not make it,

depending on whether it is their time

to go,

We don’t know,

All we can do is move forward,

and not judge our lives by minutes on a clock,

but rather judge it by our  moments of compassion,

and the effort we put forth

with all our best intentions.

cfblack   11-23-2013

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

awaiting ancestry DNA surname test

September 7, 2013

I currently check my mailbox every day, awaiting the results of my brother taking the male-line DNA surname test. I could not take the test, nor any of my sons. It is a paternal DNA test to see which Agnews we are related to most. This will confirm what area of the USA our Agnew ancestors lived in. But the first question it will answer is, “Are we truly Agnews at all??”  The records I have found for my great-grandfather Agnew all consistently confirm that he was born in Ohio. That being the case, we could be descended from a line of Agnews in the Cincinnati area who were part of the Shaker movement. If that is the case, that gives an explanation for why I’ve had such a darn hard time finding anything on them. The other mystery it will solve is the 1850 census record mystery. The James Agnew who is 8 yrs. old on that page, and who I believe is my great-grandfather, is listed at the bottom of the census page, away from the rest of his family, as an afterthought of some kind. Why is he not listed with the rest of his family further up the page? He is connected to the elderly Samuel from PA, and the head of household (another) James Agnew, & his wife Mary. Mary is only 22, and has a new baby under a year old, Alexander. James is much older than this Mary, by 20 years or so. I believe Mary is not 8-yr-old James’ mother. I have had great difficulty finding any more information on James & Mary, no marriage record, nothing. This test may give us gigantic clues as to whether 8-yr-old James is indeed the son of this older James (from a first wife?). Both the older James, and elderly Samuel, give their birthplace as PA. Mary also came from PA. I believe 8-yr-old James was born in Ohio, but whose child is he? We may find that we are not Agnews at all. I just want to know. In other words, was he adopted? Or was he a child of James & another woman or wife? He could even be a servant or slave boy, for all I know. It was 1850. But this is unlikely since they were in Ohio.

All I know is I anxiously await the results of this DNA test, to tell us whatever it will tell us, to lead us in a stronger direction one way or another, to answer whatever questions it will answer. If the test also lists ethnicities, that may tell us something as well. I just can’t wait to actually see it, and I thank my brother for taking the test.

The Old Clock Church, New Albany

August 11, 2013

This church was known to be an Underground RR stop. My great-grandfather’s 1st wife was a member at the time of her death in 1874 & the entire congregation was invited to her funeral in their home. The congregation at that time was said to be both black & white. (That’s even unusual today!) In fact today it is a 2nd Baptist Church and I can guarantee you there are very few, if any, white faces. In 1874 it was 2nd Presbyterian. I have never found her gravesite. Someone told me there were some buried on site, & that their graves were later moved to Fairview cemetary, but I have looked for her there to no avail. Her name was Mary Caroline (Gross) Agnew. She and James had 2 daughters (see previous entry). I do not know who raised them after their mother’s death, because James married my great-grandmother Carrie Bybee in 1879, who was 19 years his junior, and I never see those girls with them. However, they both lived to adulthood.

I like to think my great-grandfather James knew about the church being an underground RR stop and agreed with the abolitionist movement. I like to think both black and white members came to his first wife’s funeral in their home. But I do not know this. In New Albany, no one I have yet spoken with seems to know of records kept of the history of this place. No one seems to know where old membership records would be kept. There seems to be a lack of organized files and history for this extremely fascinating and epic place, that served to hide many souls coming north to freedom!

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Annie and Ollith Lenora Agnew

August 7, 2013

Okay, here is your family history lesson for today. I’m thinking of being in New Albany tomorrow.

James Agnew, great-grandfather. First marriage to Mary Caroline Gross produced 2 daughters, ANNIE and OLLITH LENORA.
Annie was born in 1865,
Ollie in 1867.
Mary Caroline dies Oct. 7, 1874 and I have no idea where she is buried. There was a funeral service at the family residence, listed north of Oak St. on State St., which is now a business area, it looks like. The question is, was she buried on family property, in which case the grave is lost, OR where would a member of the 2nd Presbyterian church be buried in 1874? The church was an Underground RR stop & had some black members in the time of the Civil War.
By 1879 he married my great-grandmother, Carrie Bybee who is 19 years his junior. They have 6 children with the last 2 being twins, one my grandfather John Wesley.
Annie seems to never have married, or I can’t find much on her. (Go figure.)
There is one possible Annie Agnew from Indiana who married someone named James L Rothrock, but can’t find much on them to connect them for sure.
Ollie married at the age of 48, to an Albert Joshua SIGMON.
Ollie was a stenographer at the age of 62, widowed and owned her home, which was valued at $6000.
By 1940, she is 72 & running it as a boarding house and it is valued at $3500. (effect of depression??)
Maybe she was a “Madam” who knows??
I looked up the property, and, true to form for the Agnews, it’s an EMPTY lot!! There is a house on either side but no house at her address.
Can’t find graves for any of them.
It seems like Mary Caroline Gross’s family could have been Jewish, as her mom’s name was NAOMI and her father’s Solomon. Just clues but nothing definite. Mary was a member of the 2nd Presbyterian church that was the Underground RR stop.
They are consistent that their father, my GGGrandfather James Agnew, was born in OHIO.

All is Right With the World (Awaiting baby)

August 5, 2013

All is Right With the World

 

A new grandchild is coming,

He will make his appearance

When he is good & ready,

And all is right with the world.

 

He is right on time,

in his own way of thinking,

And who can blame him,

If he is not in a hurry

 

To rush into this crazy world

We have created,

To which he enters

Fresh and sweet and innocent,

 

He is not in a hurry

To leave his sacred space

Where he is never in want for anything,

His world is warm and safe and secluded,

His mother’s heartbeat reassures him of her love,

 

But his space is cramped,

And he becomes ever more entangled

in the cord that feeds him,

He will soon leave his quiet surroundings

For cooler spaces,

Full of noise and bright lights and PEOPLE

Who will irritate and demand much of him,

 

In the end he has no choice,

But as he takes his ever-loving time to join us,

that’s okay, Because today,

all is right with the world,

 

His parents await him anxiously

Sharing their anxiety

Of not being able to yet kiss his face,

 

They long to sing their hearts to him,

Rock him in the cradle of their love

Show him his new room

Teach him to dance with Winnie the Pooh,

 

 

His mother waits to shed her belly,

Carry a little less of his weight,

Tires of the cramping that never ends,

Wonders if she will ever look into his eyes,

And smile,

 

Grandma waits to go farther north

To laugh and dance and talk with him,

Yet, we can do nothing but wait,

And know in our hearts,

That God and babies run on their own time,

And all is right in our world.

 

CFBlack         8-05-2013

Happy Hollow Park

August 5, 2013

Happy Hollow Park

As a child, I climbed the rocks of this place,

followed the stream-bed as far as it would go,

explored the crevices,

looked for stones

to put in my pocket,

to remember,

The adults called our names in vain,

to return to the picnic spot

but we were gone and out of reach

exploring worlds unknown,

We climbed the hills to where they led

to a schoolyard high above the park,

We found an old abandoned car,

and looked for bones, and bodies,

We found no such thing

but felt we were in

a forbidden spot

or passageway,

Eventually, hunger called us back

to the arms of our mothers, and grandmothers,

where great aunts in their long, dark dresses

spread their food, and filled our bellies,

They spoke in Dutch of the old country,

offered to each another, tea

and stories of life in America,

Their eyes followed us, lovingly,

as this day became a memory

and they saw in us a passageway

to a brighter future.

CFBlack          8-05-2013

July 27

July 27, 2013

My oldest grandson is 17 today! I must really be old. I wonder what in the world I did for my 17th birthday? My father had been gone 1 year, I probably wasn’t in very good shape. I think we had moved back to Indiana.

I should say a lot about my oldest grandson because he is so precious, so special. But right now, I’m just missing him and feeling rather down. I was at his birth, along with his father’s mother also. It was a happy day. Our daughter was 19.

Tonight I am actually with his younger brother who has been with us now for 2 weeks. Today we didn’t do much this morning, went to a 3-hr meetg this afternoon at which he was totally bored, & then came home to a torrential downpour that put our sidewalk under water. In about one hour, the pond came up over the sidewalk. We haven’t seen that in the 4 years we lived here. Caspian was quite fascinated with all the flooding so we took a walk around the neighborhood. Made a pizza, And now we’re watching Sleeping Beauty. And that’s our day.

July 25

July 25, 2013

Exploits with grandson Caspian today:

Not a whole lot outside of hanging out at home! He slept to 10:30, really late. He broke the rules & got in the pool with a friend without supervision in the morning. Went over that rule again. (They are basically harmless & were only in for 10 mins. or so, but they knew it was not allowed.)

He went swimming w/ me for an hour in later afternoon, Lots of small children there. I actually got in the pool & swam.

He & buddy were riding scooters & skateboards & bikes & he slipped & ended up w/ a bloody nose.

Made spaghetti dinner. Got caught up on my online class, uploaded one video from beach week to FB. Went 10 miles away to fill truck w/ gas at Walmart, took C. to the dollar store where he picked out eyeball glasses………. Cheap thrills.

Dad of friend of his suddenly brought out 3 dirt bikes, so with a HELMET I gave permission for him to ride with them behind the pond on the little trails back there. No big hills & they were told to ride slow. I think it was pretty harmless. I took a few photos.

Took a late night swim when the teenage boys take over the pool. I do not understand boys. At all. Yelling and banging up against each other in the pool, as well as diving in right next to each other is “fun”. No swimming, just banging on each other & yelling. Which Caspian dearly loved to do so he had a blast. The older teenage boys here are just very kind. They just included him in their circle, threw him up in the air a few times, etc.

He then set off a few late fireworks outside our door. Came in, tried to play some foul mouth rap music he somehow knows all the words to even though he doesn’t have Internet at home, & we had a short discussion about language. Constant battle. I asked him, Do you think it’s okay to call women b…’s & ho’s? “NO.” Okay then.

He goes back & forth between this music & “Aristocats” on TV………. Music goes off. BED TIME.

 

I am actually so exhausted when we are done for the day I can hardly write anything.