Doctor Grandma

It is New Year’s eve on my 60th year, and you would think I have something to say. By the time you live on this earth for 60 years, you realize that nothing you say will be particularly life changing for anyone else. Each one of us has to live our life, through trials and suffering, celebrations and triumphs. We each come to truth in our own way. Some of us give up along the way, Some decide to persevere.

At 60 years, I realize my biggest accomplishments are already done. I birthed 4 children, 2 in the hospital and 2 at home with a midwife and helpers, my husband always at my side. I had one miscarriage between child no.3 and no.4. We took 2 other teenager temporarily into our home, at different times, for about a year & 1/2 each. We now have 5 grandchildren, 4 boys & 1 girl; and 4 step-grandsons. These are always and forever, my biggest accomplishments in life, and being with any of them at any time, brings me the greatest joy.

I assisted a mother and brother through their last week of life, both times happening through life circumstance, nothing I really planned. I was with my mother when my father died in the hospital, when I was 16 years old, and we cried together for an eternity before returning home to tell my siblings.

In my life, I have held few jobs, though I have worked for most of my life. My first job was to be the hat check girl at the roller rink, checking coats and handing out skates, all while on skates myself. That was at age 15. Since then, I have worked Mr. Donut, Ponderosa steakhouse, Waffle House, Kings Food Host, and Panky’s restaurant from which I got fired. I worked at Ball State Library and then Purdue Libraries for 16 years, enough to get a small retirement check for the rest of my life. At PU Libraries I was a clerk, filing cards in the card catalog, checking in and binding periodicals and later mastering research on the computer to the point where I quit my job and returned to graduate school, eventually earning a PhD at age 55. This was another big accomplishment in my life. It has inspired my kids, other women and friends more than I ever imagined. I became a professor of sociology, and a good one. My other job was being a stay-at-home mom for 11 years, which was the best of times. I reached a point where I needed to be out with other adults, but still wouldn’t have done it had we not needed the money.

I have also remained married to the same man for 42 years. This is an amazing accomplishment but one I can offer little advice about. It takes 2 people, forever continually coming back together and making the marriage work, for this to happen. You can only control 1/2 of that partnership. Sometimes he did better at this and sometimes I did. But we always came back to the center.

At age 60 I will say that our focus now has to be health. For reasons of self preservation, if we don’t do it now, it’s not going to be good. We have to lose weight, find a way to do some exercise regularly, and eat healthy. We are playing with fate and it’s all a matter of time now. The more we fight, the longer we live, and that’s the reality.

At age 60 I have learned that you can live through almost anything if you decide to. Sleep is the greatest healer. If today feels terrible, go to bed. Things nearly always feel better in the morning. Make a plan for your next step, anything, just one thing. Do it and make another. Just move forward and things tend to open up or work out. Have faith. Trust in God and go forward. Sometimes that is all you can do. Do some service, something nice for someone else. We are all connected.

On this night, I remember nights as a child, staying up late and running outside to bang pans loudly and shout to the neighbors, at midnight. When our kids were little, many games of Uno and Trivial pursuit, and many movies with people sprawled all over the living room, snacks being available. Tonight, our kids live in 4 different states from us, and we are alone. Tomorrow I put a small corned beef & cabbage in the crockpot just for the 2 of us. How very strange. Happy New Year.