My nuclear family, the one I was born into, is scattered to the winds. First of all, there are only 3 of us out of 6 who are left in this world. My father died unexpectedly of a heart attack in Aug. 1969. He was 50, I had just turned sweet 16. I adored my father. My mother lived to nearly 85 years, passing of a degenerative heart condition (a faulty heart valve) for which she elected not to have surgery and lived 4 yrs. after that, to late June 2007, 2 years ago. She became an active alcoholic after our father’s death, for the next 16 years, but then recognized her condition and quit cold turkey, never again drinking, immediately after my 32nd birthday and the birth of our 4th & last child. My older brother died this year, at the end of April, 2009. His adult life was consumed with addictions and mental illness. I say all of this to illustrate that our nuclear family has not had an easy time at building relationship. I was able to be with both my mother and brother in their last days in the hospital. Went with my mother (and an early boyfriend of that time) to the hospital with my father when he then passed away in the hospital, quickly.
My younger brother and I have a relationship, thankfully, although we truly don’t know each other well, due to our family’s history. I enjoy his kids on facebook. We live 4 states apart now. My relationship w/my sister is another story. Our relationship has had a difficult time since our mother died. We were talking a little on facebook. Then one day she pulled herself out of my “friends” list and ended talking on facebook. She gave her opinion, said she was ending our facebook relationship, and cut off discussion. She felt facebook was not a relationship, which it’s not, but it’s all we had at the time. To me, this just came out of the blue and was not sending a message of, “Hey I really do want a relationship.” To me, it felt hurtful but I had no way to express this to her. The e-mails I had for her did not work. I have no idea what her current phone number is, but besides that, her action was not one that seemed to open the door to call her in a friendly manner. I have since learned that to her, she felt we should be communicating some other way.
I have decided to say the unity prayer every day, for my family. God can take it wherever it will best serve. My task is to stay focused, look for the 1 good quality, and be detached from the outcome. Perhaps the 3 in the next world can help us here, to resolve whatever we can in this life. Perhaps nothing will ever be resolved in this life. My task is to try to be loving and leave the rest to God. As our mother learned in AA, “Let go and let God.”
O my God! O my God! Unite the hearts of Thy servants, and reveal to them Thy great purpose. May they follow Thy commandments and abide in Thy law. Help them, O God, in their endeavor, and grant them strength to serve Thee. O God, leave them not to themselves, but guide their steps by the light of Thy knowledge, and cheer their hearts by Thy love. Verily, Thou art their helper, and their Lord.
Doctor Grandma 
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