Doctor Grandma

This is my journal of my visit to see my older brother for the 1st time in 23 years. It will prove to be an emotional journey, no matter how it goes.

I write from the San Diego airport. The first thing that hit me about San Diego is : Asians. Soon as I left the plane, Asian people all over. This is even more noticeable to me since moving to South Carolina, because they are practically non-existent there. I really miss more international diversity.

Soon I will travel to visit my older brother, who is here sick, and who I have not seen in 23 years. This post is actually written while sitting on the floor near baggage claim, because believe it or not, I cannot find a table with an electric outlet near it. My laptop runs out of power very quickly.

First of all, a word about the flight(s). First one on a very small plane flew from Columbia to Washington DC. Sat next to a man who talked most of the 1-hour flight. His daughter just graduated from boot camp and he was so proud. She nearly got the award for best in physical fitness, and would have won, beating many of the guys, were it not that she didn’t quite do some of her 85 push-ups exactly right, so they only counted 77. With 80, she would have won. His daughter is stocky and strong. She has a college degree and also took calculus and aced it without attending class. His son, on the other hand, had ADD, quit high school and got his GED and now works as a chef. The man himself is divorced, lives with his mother and cares for her, moved to DC from California in order to do so, likes buying technological gadgets, just bought an $800. camera but really wants the one that was $1200., and also has some sort of fancy mower which cost him a couple thousand. He has been working on his credit rating recently, has a couple credit cards now, and was impressed that the camera store gave him a $500. credit card (so he could purchase the $800. digital 35mm camera). He hasn’t been to a doctor in 25 years and thinks people are silly for getting stints and such put in, because the human body will grow new veins and arteries to bypass blockage, if we only let it. He also reads novels and likes ones about law and politics.

It always amazed me what people tell you on a plane trip. The 2nd trip was nearly 5 hours long and I sat in the middle of 2 women, neither of whom was interested in talking. We sat right ON the wing so I couldn’t see a thing, especially since the lady at the window would lean forward, reading her book. I DID, however, catch some glances of some magnificent desert land and canyons, which looked like the Grand Canyon but I don’t think it was. Some other state or national park. It was magnificent. Also saw mountains when closer to CA.

Regarding the 2nd flight, since it was a 757 it was quite different. Huge. They tell you the same details every single flight about how to wear the oxygen mask, but they don’t tell you what you need to know. Where are the headphones for the movie? How do you move your seat back? Where are the bathrooms? (This one had 2.) What do they mean by “channels”? English is channel 1, listen to the captain and speak to him (how??) on channel 9.

To top it off, I checked my bag when entering the plane as I usually do. At the end of the flight, instead of bringing it to the plane (like they do on smaller flights) they just send it to baggage claim. So I had to go down there and pick it up.

Okay. Enough about that. I am going to see my brother, Dan. He is 8 yrs older than me and we were never close. I will write more later about our relationship, but for now, I am out here because he was (is?) supposedly dying, and I haven’t seen him in 23 years. This will be a strange trip, no matter what happens. I am going to get up from here and arrange to go see him. First I have to see WHERE he is, hospital or hospice, and then get there, see how he is. I have no idea if he can talk, if he will know me, or what the situation is. He was dying, then they call and say he was having a “rebound” and it could be weeks, rather than hours or days. You can never get anything out of medical personnel that makes any sense whatsoever.

I feel so awkward, it is very difficult. I have no idea if he realizes his condition, if he is breathing uneasily and in pain, OR if he is arguing with them about leaving the facility. This rebound is temporary, we know that. We just don’t know if it’s a day or 2, or a week or 2.

My brother is mentally ill, addicted to various substances, and dying of alcholism. Cirrhosis of the liver. Last stages. It is final, and the last stages are not pretty, is what we have been told. Dan has been homeless for the last 2o years. Also, part of our history is that I was not his favorite sister. I was the clumsy one, and not the pretty one. Our relationship was never good, so this visit will be whatever it ends up to be. But I will know that I did my part, and that is all I can do. All I am responsible for. So here goes nothing.

This entry was posted on April 18, 2009 at 6:36 pm and is filed under last week with my older brother. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.